Thursday, March 31, 2011

love - Stand by me !

 it just hit me: I want others to love me more than I love myself.
That does not work.
Because I can't accept more from others than I can accept from myself

I accept accept all the love I get !
No you don't
Come on, are you saying I'm not accepting all the love I get ? It's like saying I don't accept free $100 bills.
Do you ?
Do you accept all the love you can get ?
Yes, I think so, its like accepting a free lunch.

Ok, then let me ask you this: 
When you did XXX in 2009 do you accept yourself and still love yourself ? Or do you reject yourself, beat yourself up about it ? 
Oh that ?! Well that was really stupid and wrong. It was wrong by any moral standard. Reprehensible and not nice.
Yes, ok, so what ? 
What do you mean so what ? I can't just say it was ok when it wasn't.
The question is not about whether it was OK, or right or wrong. The question is: do you still accept yourself when you did XXX in 2009 ?  I didn't even say 'love' I said 'accept'.
Ahh... I see. To be honest, no. I don't accept myself for that.
So the actions of XXX in 2009 are more important than YOU ?
I guess so, if you put it like that.
Non acceptance is a kind of denial of existence, 
I see that, yes. For what I did in 2009 yes, I don't accept myself, I can't love myself.
I feel that I'm not more important than those things I did wrong.


When I've done something I don't like, something I don't accept in others and not in myself,
What do I do ?
I bash myself up, - meaning: I condemn myself. I put myself down.
(Note: those are all NON  physical actions, nothing happens that an outsider can physically observe, but the results are real and deep- this is something worth thinking about more.... hm..... )
Where does the self love come in ?
At the point where  I bash myself up. 
At the point where I want to hate myself.
Ah... But isn't that right ? you did do something bad, reprehensible, morally ugly. 
Now you're testing me.
The action was wrong yes. As judged by an outsider.
But inside myself, I did it for a reason.
And the work of love comes in at this point. To stand by YOURself even in such times.
It is easy to stand by yourself when you do all the 'right' things.
The real work is when you don't do 'all the right things'.
That's when it gets 'interesting'.
You talked of "the work of love"  what do you mean ? 
Not hating myself, when the outside world condemns me. I don't have to say what I did was right, or to do it again. The key is how i relate to myself. Do I stand by myself ? or reject myself ?
That is the "work of love".
And it is real 'work', in a very strange but real way it IS work.

If I pretend to accept myself but I don't really I will become one of those people justifying his actions to everyone, picking arguments with people about that topic.
If I pretend to accept myself but I don't really that issue will become a "button" - i.e. something that if anyone touches that topic I get furious, upset, and unreasonable....

The capacity to do without what you want will enhance your self-esteem and your integrity, and this will begin to enrich you from within your own resources. Then the fulfillment from without becomes a natural by-product of your inner state.

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