Arthur pushed aside the thick curtain impatiently
Ah good, Orion was in.
He jerked the curtain fully open and stood waiting for the old master to notice him.
Orion looked up from the intricate device he was working on, his eyes lingered a moment on Arthur. Then he waved him to the cushions on the other side of the table.
"Master, I want to hit someone. I'm REALLY angry.."
"Ok."
"Ok ? You think it's ok ?"
Orion looked at Arthur, looked out at the desert on his right and nodded.
He took a small piece of copper foil, bent it and attached it to others on the delicate looking structure.
"But you don't think it's ok," he looked up at Arthur briefly, picked up the delicate device and held it out against the morning light.
The air from the Sea of Sand whistled past the open mouth of his cave, carrying the particularly dry pungent scent of the desert in these northern parts.
"No I don't. I mean yes I do, I'm so furious with her. I just want to scream at her."
"But you came here instead."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I shouldn't be this angry should I ?"
Orion looked at him.
"You are this angry."
"But I shouldn't be......right ?"
"Why not ?"
"You ask me 'why' ?" Arthur took a deep breath, spreading out his arms in exasperation.
"You taught me to be mindful to be calm, to observe my thoughts....and now you ask me why I shouldn't be angry?"
Orion eyes flashed.
"I asked you to be aware, to observe, not to force calmness where there is fire."
"I don't understand."
Orion stared at Arthur, "you are furious, yes ?"
"yes."
"So observe that."
"But I'm sooo damn angry!"
"So? Are you trying to be calm or to observe ?"
"Humm... . "
"Calm may come eventually, but it's not what you DO."
"I know I'm not meant to judge, but I wanna scream at her. I can't help feeling: Isn't it wrong to be this angry ?"
"Are you trying not to judge ?"
"Yes, but I can't."
"Observe the judgement," Orion again looked at Arthur intensely, "Observe the ' I'm so angry feeling...'."
"I'm just confused."
"Observe that. It is what IS."
"What ? I don't get it."
"Whatever is, IS. There is nothing to DO, nothing to fix, nothing to clean and make presentable."
Orion turned the thing he'd been working on around very carefully, examining it, poking it here and there with a small metal rod..
Arthur stood up and walked to the edge of the cave looking down past his feet, six hundred and fifty meters to the rocky ground.
In centuries past, many people had "fallen" to their death from these caves. White bones, death and vultures had covered the bottom. Now only grave markers lined the bottom.
That was when it had been the prison fortress of Ur-Ani-Ya. A place of such death and despair, - the scars were still healing five hundred years later.
Ur-Ani-Ya had mysteriously vanished, suddenly imploded in the last days of the month of Wendurath, 3178.
It was a mystery for five hundred years, until 3548, when the diaries of Aer-il-hambara, Chancellor of the house of Aer-Ayrus were found.
They were found deep in the cave system of Serianna, where the ancient fortress of Ur-Ani-Ya had stored its energy.
Now everyone knew the story of Aer-il-hambara the black eyed Aesinth, who had destroyed Ur-Ani-Ya, the most powerful fortress - and herself as well.
Arthur was sick of hearing it again again. The families of the the house of Aer-Ayrus knew nothing else to talk about.
He looked down.
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!"
Arthur's face turned red and beads of sweat gathered on his forehead, "I hate you."
He took another deep breath and stared at Umi-Jabour, the greatest desert in history, the Great Sea of Sand.
Eagles soared past them on the updraft.
He turned around, looking at Orion who was still busy turning that thing he was working on from side to side and examining it very closely.
"Better ?" he asked without looking up.
"No!"
Arthur sat down.
Orion looked at him, hid a smile, and pushed the delicate structure to the side. He pulled out a bowl of dates from the shelf behind him and put it on the table between them.
"I haven't really progressed at all," Arthur took a date, "I just destroyed a year of practice by getting angry like that."
Orion shook his head, "you didn't. Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit".
Arthur frowned at the strange words, but let it pass.
"Calmness is not the aim, it's the result. If you aim for calmness you will not find it. You will get tight brittle control and more tension."
Orion spread his hands, "that's my experience. You may be different."
He smiled and shrugged.
"So what, it's just the old 'observe, don't judge' mantra again, is that it ?"
Orion nodded, "yep, that's it," reached over to his right and brought out a steaming pot of tea.
"Even when I'm furious ?" Arthur asked..
Orion nodded, "even when I'm furious as hell. When I don't want to stop. I accept that. I watch it, I embrace it with love."
Arthur stared at Orion," are you joking ?"
Orion stared at Arthur, "wherever you are, take a step back. Look and see the 'me that does not want to see'."
In another voice altogether Orion continued, "I see the resistance that never wants to give in, I see the hate that wants to murder...
I see and I observe."
"Wow," Arthur sat back exhaling deeply, shaking his head, "wow."
"Why ? You think some things are excluded from the oneness ?"
"I'm not supposed to, but, yes."
"That's honest," Orion smiled, "whatever you exclude, judge, cut off - you make it your enemy, you give it more power."
"Can't I win ?"
"Yes, if you will pay the price."
"What's the price ?"
"That another will win over you."
"No I mean win finally, total victory."
Orion took a deep breath, looked at Arthur for a long time.
"You mean win once and for all, always on top, always king ?"
Arthur squirmed uncomfortably, "I guess so".
"Why ?"
"To be King forever, to be safe forever."
"And others ? To be your 'subjects' forever ?"
"OK, you got me."
Orion shook his head, "no, I don't want to 'get you'.
Winning over the 'bad guy', is the illusion that keeps the endless fight going. Each side fighting for goodness, purity and safety through the annihilation of the other,... " he opened his hands, pointing his head to the desert on his right, "you get endless war."
The desert, Umi-Jabour, had been created in the greatest war the ancients had ever fought, over three thousand years ago. Their civilization had ended.
The continental plate had split, land had dropped, land had risen, and the cliff Orion's cave was carved from, had emerged.
"Yet each side only sought safety from the other...." Orion sighed.
He pushed a cup of tea in Arthur's direction, and they both leaned back.
"The question is," Orion smiled his upside down smile, " what do you want most ? Safety or being in control ?"
"I would be safe by being in control, having the power behind me."
"Hmmm....," Orion looked at Arthur, "you can answer that one yourself, does power and control lead to safety ?"
Arthur shook his head, "true safety comes from within yourself, - knowing that you can look after yourself better than anyone or anything."
Orion chuckled, "a textbook answer, but we'll let it stand."
Arthur sipped his tea, looked out at the Sea of Sand. A few windriders were circling in the updraft, Ari sensei and his students.
He faced Orion, "ok, let's say I have the power and the control: I am king forever, I am safe."
"Safe from what ?"
"From being powerless."
"So you have power and control just to have it, for its own sake ?"
"No, not quite. I have it to be safe."
"Safe from what ? Pain ? Death ? Unhappiness ? An assassin ?"
Arthur nodded.
Orion chuckled...., "we humans have tried that path over and over again. And fortunately it doesn't work."
"Why ?"
"It's not how reality is made. I can't explain to you 'why'. You just know it in your bones."
"And if you don't ?"
"Then you join those who try that path over and over again... until you truly know."
Orion sipped his tea, slowly lost in thought.
Arthur watched him.
The master's eyes moved to his visitor, "...and isn't that what we're here for ? To learn, to know - through experience ?"
Arthur was surprised at the question.
He had expected the usual insights and the masters touch.
They looked at each other.
Orion sighed, and hummed a tune from a well known song:
"Yes you who must leave everything that you cannot control
It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul.."
Arthur looked at Orion, a long time.
He was different these days.
"Tea ?" Orion pushed the pot of spicy tea towards his visitor.
Arthur poured himself a fresh cup.
"You came here to ask, 'what do I do with the rage, my murderous feelings, right ?" Orion said.
"Yes."
"You know what to do."
Arthur shook his head.
Orion looked the young man in the eye.
"Ok, I won't follow my anger, and I know I can't 'kill' the anger.
What else ?", he waited then added, "ignore it?"
Orion shrugged, "an interim solution, it will surface again, and again. The ancients tried that until everything surfaced at once," he again indicated the desert with a tilt of his head.
"What then?"
"You know."
"Accept."
"You are repeating a text book answer.
What you think I want to hear.
What is YOUR answer ?"
Arthur sat back, looked at the desert.
"It's no different from any other thought or feeling is it ?" Arthur mused.
"Yes, it's another thought, it's another feeling."
"But stronger."
"Yes, much stronger, but essentially the same as all the others." Orion agreed.
"Then why don't I just treat it the same as all the others. See it. Watch it arise, watch it be, watch it fade." Arthur watched Orion's face.
Orion smiled his upside down smile, the scar on the left side of his face stood out clearly.
He reached for the teapot and poured himself a cup of tea and dragged his strange device back to work on it and became totally absorbed with it.
Suddenly he looked up, at Arthur: "Ok, then, tell me, why you are here" he waved at the bowl, inviting his visitor to take some more, nuts and dried fruit, "what really happened ?"
End of part 1
By Tengra Ngiam
Hong Kong, 2017
This is an old prayer it came to me to rewrite. It’s about surrendering.and
I don’t know which side everybody’s on any more, and …I don’t really care. There is a moment when we have to transcend the side we’re on and understand that we are creatures of a higher order. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish you courage in your struggle. There is on both sides of this struggle men of good will. That is important to remember… on both sides of this struggle. Some struggling for freedom, some struggling for safety. In solemn testimony of that unbroken faith which binds a generation one to another, I sing this song: “If it be your will”.
Leonard Cohen:
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