Tuesday, June 09, 2009

--- a candle --

contentment ? holding onto a brief glimmer or realization

 Everyone - every single thing, every single person is worthy of respect - is OK as they ARE right now.
Sometimes I feel that.  Truly feel that.
Other times I feel that some people are better, some are lesser. Especially feel that I am lesser than some and better than others.
I think that is called judgement.
But judgement does not come and stand up and say "Hi there, I'm judgement!"
Judgement says "You're not good enough yet.... just climb a little higher... THEN it will be OK "
Judgement says "How dare they do this to me ? "
Judgement says "What a failure, why don't they pull themselves together ? "
Judgement tells me "Haiko, you know, you are almost there - just a little more money and little more prestige and status, and then you can relax.... "
"yea sure !"
"What ? you mean you don't believe me ?"
"Trust me, just a little bit more then you are top of the shit heap and can truly relax and enjoy life."
"I don't think so. You said that last time, and the time before that and the time before that."
"Ah but THIS time I will be different."
"Yes it will be differenet this time, because I don't believe you anymore. You are giving me some bullshit picture about a closed world. Life is infinite, there is always MORE, there WILL ALWAYS be more. It never ends.
There are ALWAYS those above me and will ALWAYS be those below you if you want to put it like that. 
You can play the game of higher and lower, 
you can play the game or important and unimportant
but in the end: each thing, each person just IS who they ARE. 
Higher lower, 
important unimportant are just sticky labels, they don't change the thing. 
A rose by any other name... 
And each moment is just a imporant as each moment. 
NOW is my life. ONLY NOW. 
I am what I AM now. 
Sure, I can still aim, and strive for a goal, but I don't strive and aim to justify myself, or make myself 'OK', I am Ok now." 

"That's new age crap." 
"  :-) Well go  for it - you are not wrong. Do what you need to do. It is your path. 
Run Rabbit run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave
Breathe - Pink Floyd 1973
In the end my friend, it is not a matter of argument. 
The words I have written here are not to convince, but rather to capture and hold that feeling and understanding. You see, understanding contains feeling. 
If the feeling  evaporates then the words are like empty shells, the seed long gone.... 
good night. .... "

Friday, June 05, 2009

Aesinth - scrolls from the Caves of Uraia

The Aesinth are a race of people whose eyes show no whites at all.
Their eyes are like two black pools, dark and liquid, they can see in total darkness.
An old tale found in the scrolls found in the caves of Uraia describes the origin of the Aesinth and gives somewhat of a mythical story of why they acquired the strange ability to bridge the chasm between our physical world and the world of spirit.
Apologies for the nature of the subject matter, it appears that in olden days people were perhaps more passionate and less inhibited, or perhaps their inhibitions were simply placed elsewhere.

....introduction and all previous writing is lost.
It starts right in the middle of the action.

The fire in my loins was wild,
Her words and manner sweet and mild.

Dried blood, a dagger on the floor,
"You should not stay here anymore!
You should be heading for the door"
Yet she took my hand and held it tight,
“I’ll be yours throughout this night”
Yet still I tarried, noting just,
The subtle beauty of her bust
The curve of breast and mouth
which had brought me to her house.

Her smile was sweet, her kisses deep
Her skin so smooth, her hair was sleek
Her manner and her words so mild.

Her well was deep, my river wild.
And while passionately I cavorted,
in ecstasy contorted,

unbeknownst and stealthily
into her hand the dagger crept.

At the very instant I did thrill
In ecstasy her well to fill,
the dagger’s point so sharp and quick,
into my blissful heart did slip.

The wounds that daggers leave,
the body from the spirit cleave.
My fading eyes they saw her smile
she licked her lips and held me tight,
I said goodbye to life and light.

I saw my body lying there,
a tiny wound, my chest all bare,
The wound was deep the entry small,
too late to wonder at her call.

Yet her promise she did fulfill
She stayed with me throughout the night.
Most loving and most tenderly
she held the empty shell of me.

In the morning I saw her kneel
and clean the dagger's shiny steel,
then standing up and hold it high,
she plunged it deeply in her thigh.
The cost and price of alibi.

Of that night a child was born
who’s eyes were black
no whites they showed.
Her mother’s darkness
marked her thus,

the deed into her eyes had flowed.

And still I watch them every day
The mother and my child.
And when into the mirror she gazes,
at daybreak and at dawn,
T’is my face she meets behind her own.

She smiles at me,
no fright she takes.
Full knowing well
that me as guardian spirit
for her child she has.

And thus it is
that Aesinth eyes
the spirits see.

---- The scrolls are harder to read here .....

My little one
no mirror needs,

---- The scrolls finish at this point….

Translation by T. Ngiam.