Tuesday, June 09, 2009

contentment ? holding onto a brief glimmer or realization

 Everyone - every single thing, every single person is worthy of respect - is OK as they ARE right now.
Sometimes I feel that.  Truly feel that.
Other times I feel that some people are better, some are lesser. Especially feel that I am lesser than some and better than others.
I think that is called judgement.
But judgement does not come and stand up and say "Hi there, I'm judgement!"
Judgement says "You're not good enough yet.... just climb a little higher... THEN it will be OK "
Judgement says "How dare they do this to me ? "
Judgement says "What a failure, why don't they pull themselves together ? "
Judgement tells me "Haiko, you know, you are almost there - just a little more money and little more prestige and status, and then you can relax.... "
"yea sure !"
"What ? you mean you don't believe me ?"
"Trust me, just a little bit more then you are top of the shit heap and can truly relax and enjoy life."
"I don't think so. You said that last time, and the time before that and the time before that."
"Ah but THIS time I will be different."
"Yes it will be differenet this time, because I don't believe you anymore. You are giving me some bullshit picture about a closed world. Life is infinite, there is always MORE, there WILL ALWAYS be more. It never ends.
There are ALWAYS those above me and will ALWAYS be those below you if you want to put it like that. 
You can play the game of higher and lower, 
you can play the game or important and unimportant
but in the end: each thing, each person just IS who they ARE. 
Higher lower, 
important unimportant are just sticky labels, they don't change the thing. 
A rose by any other name... 
And each moment is just a imporant as each moment. 
NOW is my life. ONLY NOW. 
I am what I AM now. 
Sure, I can still aim, and strive for a goal, but I don't strive and aim to justify myself, or make myself 'OK', I am Ok now." 

"That's new age crap." 
"  :-) Well go  for it - you are not wrong. Do what you need to do. It is your path. 
Run Rabbit run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave
Breathe - Pink Floyd 1973
In the end my friend, it is not a matter of argument. 
The words I have written here are not to convince, but rather to capture and hold that feeling and understanding. You see, understanding contains feeling. 
If the feeling  evaporates then the words are like empty shells, the seed long gone.... 
good night. .... "

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