Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I know it's kind of fashionable to talk about "THE NOW".
Nonetheless, I'll do just that, -briefly ;-)
When I really pay attention to what is going inside me I see that most of the time, I'm rejecting the current moment as:
- not good enough
- not nice enough
- I don't want to be where I am NOW.
- I simply don't like this moment.
By "reject" I don't mean I do this in words.
I mean is it more of a magnetic kind of like or dislike..... an intent, like a force in a different dimension. Hard to put into words something that is beyond words.
The pathwork people and the lectures of Eva Pierrakos talk about a "forcing current" in the soul, something like that, - kind of describes it.
I tried a small experiment: I made myself pay attention to that forcing current, to the force of 'dislike of this moment' and then I realized how much I tried to escape it.
After a while I was able to accept it, as it was. This is IT.
And the next moment I'm back to normal, rushing out of the moment.
I think that accepting the moment as it IS still leaves open the choice of seeing it in positive light. Of making the most of it.
Sing, laugh, enjoy it in any way I choose ....
That's it for this blog... brief as I promised. ;-)
9Jun09 found this quote in a story of a monk and his teacher:
...... When he returned, now older, he responded that the secret of the source of life and its preservation were associated with accepting what naturally arises and bringing love and compassion into the world. The master agreed and encouraged the monk to continue his good work of compassionate service. [ref 1]
For follow up: moment by moment, instant by instant awareness of feelings inside while in front of a computer... computers has a mirror quality.... (for future posts)
[ref 1] from a Qi Gong newsletter June2009:
A young monk felt he was prepared to deepen his cultivation practice and his master gave the
assignment to cultivate inner quiet and discover the secret of the source of life and its
application to the preservation of health and vitality. He gave the suggestion to focus on the
Earth Elixir Field (Di Dan Tian). After some months of practice the young monk reported to
the master that he felt sure that the most practical answer regarding the secret was
nourishment, rest and the conservation of Qi and inner resources. The master encouraged
the young monk, “You have found the secret to preserve the Jing and sustain the body, but
you have not found the source of life.” The master teacher asked the young monk if he was
still interested in pursuing the deeper secret. The monk nodded and the elder gave him the
suggestion to focus on the HeartMind Elixir Field (Xin Dan Tian).
This time it was considerably longer before the monk visited the elder. When he returned, now older, he responded that
the secret of the source of life and its preservation were associated with accepting what naturally arises and bringing
love and compassion into the world. The master agreed and encouraged the monk to continue his good work of
compassionate service. The monk said to the master, “I know that I have penetrated to the secret of highly refined
interactions of the Qi and the opening of the HeartMind. It has inspired me to service of my fellow humans. It is clear
that this sustains life, my own and others. But I have not determined the secret of the source of life.” The master
suggested, “Focus on the Celestial Elixir Field (Ling Dan Tian), the entry place of Heaven in the living human being.”
Some years passed. When the younger monk returned he was older. The elder monk said, “Tell me in one word”. The
younger monk said, “Unity”. They both smiled quietly, knowing their was nothing more to say. They parted, both
knowing. even though they would not meet again, that they were always together at the Source.
Friday, May 22, 2009
I didn't believe that doing NOTHING was a necessary part of the total Balance. I often feel I HAVE to DO !
True I do have much to do.
But for the whole to be balanced: I need time to do nothing.
Take off the shackles and the discipline and have a rest.
There is a story that even the Creator rested one seventh of the time.
Who am I to argue :-P
Yet to be honest: I've not given myself that much rest.
My question about direction it is not just about personal balance, it is no longer ONLY about me, and my art or my writing, or my dancing, or my reputation or my money, or my personal happiness, but about the world out there... what can I do that helps ? what most needs doing NOW ?
More time fixing myself or more perfect stuff for ME, I'm over it, spent too much time on it- sure it matters and sure my personal stuff needs to be in balance but - BUT for me NOW it is about: What needs doing out there in the world that I CAN do and which ALSO brings me bliss in the way Joseph Campbell talks about it ?
I'm going to play bliss detective and see what direction that takes me in.... ;-) .
A: "It's just me, I don't matter as much. That is true to a degree, and there is some merit in sacrifice, but only to a degree."
Qu: "To what degree ?"
A: "To the degree if you looked at yourself and treated yourself as you would treat another. Would you ask this of another person ?
Qu: "Who ?"
A: "Another person, and by "person" I mean not a friend and not an enemy, but simply another human being."
Qu: "I see."
A: "I don't know how to treat myself fairly, until I learnt to treat others fairly and well. Love others, then you know and learn how to love yourself."
Qu: "Many say it is the other way round."
A: "Yes, many do say that."
There is yet another deeper level:
A friend, Jan, said once that work done with resentment wastes 80% of the energy, and that energy comes back and lashes you in the face.
From my own experience that makes sense.
For me this quote sums up the reason for working when I don't feel like it....
Then we know that our children-to-be hope for us in the Bardo.
For them we weave until out arms grow tired.
though of course I could always work on acceptance...
One of the simplest and hardest things in life I was told once is 'acceptance' - yep, I believe that.
Monday, May 18, 2009
After half a century of this, one day I realized: "You know what Haiko ? THIS is IT NOW ! This IS your life NOW. Not in some distant future, not when I get the Nobel prize but now.
One day I will look back on a time when I was healthy, strong and able to do things, run around, watch movies, vist friends, travel the world, and I'll wonder: did I really appreciate that time ?
--> Something else that got me thinking along those lines:
When I type on a computer I often cross my legs in such a way that one leg feels real pain, or falls asleep. I somehow balance the action of typing with inflicting pain on myself.
(Ok, granted, this is not a dramatic example, but the idea is there.)
What makes me do that ? I don't think about it, I just do it, in fact I have to consciously force myself NOT to do it.
I guess it might be to balance the weight of whatever I'm doing, the typing, the irritation I feel ? It could be, I don't know.
Or it might be the equivalent of huffing and puffing on another level ?
But it is interesting to note that we all do things to ourselves that cause pain, discomfort. We don't really ONLY go for pleasure.
And again to myself it seems that we have some balance mechanism inside us. If I don't EARN my bliss honestly, that is if I don't believe I truly deserve it, I will have to pay for it somehow.
Too much niceness, and I can't handle it. I have to be able to stand the intensity of beauty, the brightness of the glory and joy, if I can't I'll dull things down to a level of brightness which I CAN stand and at which I am comfortable.
My mind might not like that level, but some deeper part of me does.
As an excercise: would I feel comfortable having a large house in a posh subburb driving a car worth more than a years gross salary, with Phillipino maids and a gardner ? Well my mind thinks I would be ok with that, but my gut tells me no way Hose.
All this brings me to another topic: why is 'niceness' portayed so boringly and why is 'naughtyness' portayed so adventurously ? Pirates, spies, crime, etc... seem alluring in popular culture. Why ? What makes them so ?
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anguissette
In Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Legacy novels, an anguissette is one of Kushiel's chosen mortals, picked to "balance the scales" against those who impart suffering without compassion. Anguisettes feel pain and pleasure as one. Additionally, the wounds of those who bear Kushiel's Dart always heal clean.
Mighty Kushiel of rod and weal
Late of the brazen Portals
With blood-tipp'd dart a wound unhealed
Pricks the eyen of chosen mortals.
In the book "Kushiel's Dart" p 291 by Jacqueline Carey,
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
sure sometimes you need to work harder, sometimes less hard.
Strange new addition came to me tonight:
Time, time on this earth is another limit.
Carlos Castaneda calls that limit the warrior's best adviser.
Truly doing worthwhile things, adventure and risk and secret missions.
I'm almost 50, no need to save myself, whatever I don’t risk won’t be done ---
whatever I don’t do now, won’t be done.
Like my blog “meditation on Limits”: Strange feeling, to know that one day I have to cross over to the other side, and that there is no point to “save myself”, therefor it is time to risk it all.
If I don’t risk it voluntarily it will be taken sooner or later anyway... So better make it count.
That or cower in a corner in fear... till the time comes anyway...
Like the Lady Quohaim in the story, who crosses the flames and the abyss in the sea temple of Uraia, there is virtue in “dying”(in a sense) early, and voluntarily, and not be forced later...
“Risk it all to gain it all --- and loose it all to find it all.”
May god grant this is real and not just talk.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
People like to share things. If I buy a book I can lend it to a friend.
The Big Media companies want to divide us into individuals, as far as media like songs and movies goes, it would be more realistic and more human to see people as friendship groups.
About the Digital Rights Management (DRM) I have only one reply: The Analogue hole.
NB: Clarification: All the above is aimed at personal copying. I'm not talking about buying a factory and making thousands of copies, lets use common sense. ...although... hang on.... on seconds thoughts... - just kidding... :-)
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
"Ok if you must."
"I must. -- I mean, how does the liver know how big to grow ? How does the heart and the lungs know how big to grow, when to stop ? Your brain does not grow too much either, otherwise it would ooze out of your eyeballs"
"Well yea, but it makes the point doesn't it ? Anyway let me go on. The real question is: How do the different organs know when to stop growing, how to grow, what shape and size ? what coordinates them ? Something has to ? The whole body starts from cells that can be made into anything, any type of the cell in the body."
"You mean stem cells ?"
"Well why don't you say so ?"
"I wasn't sure you'd understand."
"Thanks a lot ! You think I'm totally ignorant ?"
"No, not totally he he he..."
"Anyway, what's your point, you are so longwided."
"The point is: the human body and any growing thing, somehow coordinates the overall shape and system of the body, in some way we don't yet understand with current science."
"All very very fascinating Herr Professor, so what is YOUR POINT ! I do have to do other things you know."
"I'm getting to that. Now imagine the liver says, 'hey boys, we are Liver Inc.we wanna maximize our income, and get as big and fat as we can, are you with me ?' and all the little liver cells cheer 'yea, we're in there, more nutrients and food for liver cells.' Then the stomach says, 'that's not fair, you guys are hogging more than your fair share, we're going to take our cut first, because we get first choice of what comes in to the body he he he' Then the skin gets in on the act 'What are you guys talking about ? Without me you'd have no protection at all, I'm the biggest organ in the body, I need a few more layers of fat to pad me out' and so on. "
"Yea I get the idea, a kind of bun fight, or internal war."
"Exactly. BUT this is NOT how a healthy body really works."
"But the body of human society works like that, there is too much competition. It's like every organ is trying to take over and be the king and fights for more of its fair share."
"It's not as bad as that !"
"Well seems like that to me, have you ever listened to boardroom talk and sharemarket talk in a big corporation ? Do we have a sense of 'we are all in this together' ?"
"Yes, some people do, its a start, be grateful for that."
"A last point, isn't it interesting that we don't have a scienfic understanding of what controls the development of the organs in a growing baby and we don't have any idea how to work together in harmony as a race on ONE planet."
"And a final thought: I talked about healthy bodies. Cancer is basically the cells of the body going beserk, they just grow as they want and don't fit into the rest of the body anymore, they go their own way."
"What the ultimate individualist ? Don't give a s*** about the rest ?"
"Yea, if you want to see it like that. Cancer cells are the body's own cells cutting lose and just getting bigger and bigger and growing outside the overall plan for a functioning body. They probably think of it as maximizing profits."
"If you can answer that, you're up for a Nobel Prize !"
"Ok so you are telling me that somehow the organs and the cells in a healthy body know what to do ?"
"You are serious ?"
"Yes, something, somehow controls the overall shape, function, and balances it all. The different parts are aware of each other."