Finding your bliss - what makes you happy ? - finding your direction in life....

I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.... and I'm not the youngest anymore...

For some reason recently I felt that simply being very efficient getting lots of stuff done no longer was enough... I started to feel like a machine.

So what if I get all the things on my list done ?

It's nice, but my body hurts and I feel like I've been doing just admin work sorting out stuff.

What's the point of being so efficient ?

Then just at that point I got an email from a Lady called 'Nok' who runs a Kinesiology website:

The bit I really liked was this:

quote by Joseph Campbell, a famous American writer and mythologist, from the book "Power of Myth": "The way to find out about happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you really are happy - not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy. This requires a little bit of self-analysis. What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. This is what I call 'following your bliss'.

Find your heart and your will find your way It's essential to balance personal time with work time in everyday life. This involves looking honestly at what's important in your life right now, and possibly rearranging your priorities to make time for pursuing personal growth. Here are some tips to help you connect with your heart. To deeply connect with your inner self, it's absolutely essential to spend 30 minutes to one hour each day in solitude. Some effective self-awareness techniques include meditation, prayer, chanting, yoga, qi gong, tai chi, breathing exercises etc. Make time to engage in activities you love or that which give you deep joy. These help you connecting with and expressing from your heart. People tell me, 'I used to love doing this or that activity but haven't done it for ages.' It's time to start doing those neglected pastimes again. For others who haven't found what brings them joy - it's time to explore different activities and discover what makes your heart sing. There are so many channels for creative expression i.e. dancing, singing, painting, drawing, writing, photography, cooking etc. Just keep an open mind and don't be afraid to try something new - in the process you'll likely discover your true passion. For me, the "free-form" dancing I did while living in Melbourne a couple of years ago turned out to be a very healing and liberating experience. The freedom to express myself creatively by moving to different styles of music was amazingly powerful. I love practicing regularly here in Bangkok with a small group of like-minded people. I wish you all the best in finding what makes your heart sing with joy and trust you'll find within yourself the great source of inspiration. Follow your bliss! Nok

Hmmm... talk about synchronicity.

I had not really believed this stuff about having to make time for myself, to relax. I thought it was all just stuff by lazy people. I kept pushing myself after work - working on my novel, on stories... and I thought time for relaxing and being quiet was just weakness and an excuse.

I got a lot done for sure, but I felt more and more out of sorts and wondered what the point of it all was ?

There is ALWAYS more I can do.

Then I realized: it is BALANCE I needed, balance of work and rest,

Balance of sleep and other things.

But why do I write such obvious stuff here ?

Because I always knew it - intellectually - but had to learn it deeply from my guts !

That's deeper learning.

I might KNOW it all, as head knowledge. But to really know it, it has to become PART of me, I have to live and breathe it and BE it.

I didn't believe that doing NOTHING was a necessary part of the total Balance. I often feel I HAVE to DO !
True I do have much to do.
But for the whole to be balanced: I need time to do nothing.
Take off the shackles and the discipline and have a rest.
There is a story that even the Creator rested one seventh of the time.
Who am I to argue :-P
Yet to be honest: I've not given myself that much rest.

And I know that at some time I'll forget, and then I'll have to re-learn it at an even deeper level... :-)

My question about direction it is not just about personal balance, it is no longer ONLY about me, and my art or my writing, or my dancing, or my reputation or my money, or my personal happiness, but about the world out there... what can I do that helps ? what most needs doing NOW ?
More time fixing myself or more perfect stuff for ME, I'm over it, spent too much time on it- sure it matters and sure my personal stuff needs to be in balance but - BUT for me NOW it is about: What needs doing out there in the world that I CAN do and which ALSO brings me bliss in the way Joseph Campbell talks about it ?
I'm going to play bliss detective and see what direction that takes me in.... ;-) .

Once upon a time I would have kept this writing totally private, a part of a diary of agonizing thoughts, - now in a slightly different way it is on the Web for the world to see.

---o(O)o---

Qu: When I think about it: what was the reason I kept on working too much too long too hard ?
A: "It's just me, I don't matter as much. That is true to a degree, and there is some merit in sacrifice, but only to a degree."
Qu: "To what degree ?"
A: "To the degree if you looked at yourself and treated yourself as you would treat another. Would you ask this of another person ?
Qu: "Who ?"
A: "Another person, and by "person" I mean not a friend and not an enemy, but simply another human being."
Qu: "I see."
A: "I don't know how to treat myself fairly, until I learnt to treat others fairly and well. Love others, then you know and learn how to love yourself."
Qu: "Many say it is the other way round."
A: "Yes, many do say that."

---o(O)o---

There is yet another deeper level:

Work done in resentment, is more painful and more damaging.
A friend, Jan, said once that work done with resentment wastes 80% of the energy, and that energy comes back and lashes you in the face.
From my own experience that makes sense.

For me this quote sums up the reason for working when I don't feel like it....

Sometimes the threads on the loom suggest the picture to come. 

Then we know that our children-to-be hope for us in the Bardo.

For them we weave until out arms grow tired.
 

from: The years of Rice and Salt - by Kim Stanley Robinson

though of course I could always work on acceptance...
One of the simplest and hardest things in life I was told once is 'acceptance' - yep, I believe that.