Thursday, December 22, 2011

induction - in the magnetic and the spiritual sense

This is about relating to people, but let me go to an example first: 
Induction - in electrical engineering means that the electrical current in one wire, creates a  magnetic field which then  creates another electrical current in the other wire.

The two wires don't have to touch, they can be separated by air and never contact each other.
It looks something like this picture above Image Detail

I'm sitting in the lobby of The ORchid Hotel RGN and a conversation is going on not far away. It does not concern me. It is none of my business.
"Your systems is not working ! wifi worked in the room before, not it isn't. Find me someone to fix it!"
Calm answer
"Where is your IT engineer ? Bring him here !"
"They went home an hour ago."
But the tension in the voices, the power and the force of one person towards the other, creates somehow, by 'induction' a similar feeling in me.
The attitude of damand, or arrogant power creates a rising power in me.
I know that the hotel is not high tech, it is not able to solve such problems. The demands won't ever be met.
"When will they start work tomorrow ?"
I'm sitting nearby, my wifi works perfectly.
It is his problem, on HIS computer.

I'm tempted to offer help, but I don't.
I'm fascinated by the way that his feelings create an answering echo in me. It has nothing to do with me at all NOTHING but still I'm affected.
very interesting....

We are indeed all ONE, all connected.

Electrical induction details here

Monday, December 12, 2011

energy spent on fear

World spending on 'defence' is huge.
The money spent on defence could be used to create a world so nice that military conflict would be as unlikely as peace is now.

The money spent on defence could be used...for..... all kinds of wonderful things.

I've heard this argument many many many...... many times.... and I got more and more frustrated by it, wondering what to do.

I've worked it out: let go of my own fear.
Fear is what fuels military spending.....
The fear of each individual person....society and what we see out there is a mirror of what is IN each of us collectively.....

I wonder, is the percentage of energy I spend in fear about the same as the percentage world wide spending on military "defence" ?

Let's assume it is: Let's assume I spend the same huge amounts of energy on 'defence' and 'security'. Imagine what I can achieve in my life when I use that energy for positive productive activities ?

It is no longer a matter of .... let's reduce military spending and make the world a better place... that is good, and nice to do... but it is more of a kind of symptom.
Let go of my fear, and use the energy freed up for positive ?

How will i know I've reduced fear and freed up energy ?
- feel positive,
- have more energy
- changed outlook

Military spending - Just for information:

Friday, November 25, 2011

what I craved was the pain and hardship of a difficult journey

"I realized as much as sharing beaches and pina coladas with little umbrellas and my radiant bride, what I craved was the pain and hardship of a difficult journey. I wanted insecurity, strife, and what others want nothing to do with. This had been missing since I settled down to my lovely life...."

It's 3am, I'm browsing a book on Amazon, found the link on Facebook, having a cuppa. This time of night - I like it a lot. Quiet, no noise, the world is peaceful, time to do whatever....
the cat outside meows, wants to come in. 
The whole neighbourhood sleeps,
Kitaro plays his etherial melodies

...saw Alastair's post, the free intro....
Alastair Humphreys walked across India, from the Coromandel Coast to the Malabar Coast, following the course of a holy river. Walking alone and spending the nights sleeping under the stars, in the homes of welcoming strangers or in small towns and villages, he experienced the dusty enchantme...

I'm thinking about what he wrote 
".....what I craved was the pain and hardship of a difficult journey...." 

We need something to cut out teeth on.
The golden cage, is nice, for a while... but too much safety, niceness and we get bored, deep in our soul and we go to seek adventure....
Though these days adventure is pooh pooohed as 'danger' and 'bad' and  unethical, I mean you could get hurt... adventure is not ok unless it is totally 100% safe....
Too nice...
We humans need the excitement of being alive.

Love this guy's outspoken attitude... 
"Now I had a home and I had a wife. I had settled down. Life was good. But perhaps that was the problem." 

When  we are in the middle of the adventure - "What the hell did I do this for ?" we wonder.... . 
When we are back safe, with our friends, by the fireside, over a beer or a coffee,  -- it makes for a great story :-)

Perhaps life itself is such an adventure ? 
We dive into the waters of birth, grow up (plenty of hardship and pain ...), explore, hunt for OUR truth, hunt the mystery of existence (WTF am I doing here ? Why the hell did I ever sign  up for this ... traffic jams, nappies, corruption, pollutioni, beam me up Scotty.... )  ....we get out  difficult journey and ...." here we are...writing blogs at 03:30am....

I look forward to sitting round the fire and comparing stories with my mates. 
"How was your lifetime ? Did ya figure out the relationship honesty stuff ?"
..."Ahh....did I tell ya about the time....."

03:52 hours, Vientiane, Laos

PS: will I  now rush out and create difficult journeys for myself ? 
but it IS good to see a guy 'fessing up' to the fact that nice married life might need something else.... 

too much 'nice' becomes suffocating, 
need a challenge, a real challenge, not an office challenge, or a santized, homogenized, and certified safe challenge....

Who uses his light who trusts his vision lives beyond death
this is the Hidden immortal

       --Dao de jJing, verse 52 - Lao Tzu

Thursday, November 17, 2011

De Ja vue - life repeats itself

de ja vue....
is is just me or is there a kind of boring repetitiveness about human activities ?
I mean the usual "powerful feed bullshit to the lower levels for own profit"
People manipulating people,
Ulterior motives disguised
censorship (cause we da good guys, we  gonna look afta ya' )
makes  me tired, seeing the same old crap again and again....

but then: I'm here in life, so that means I must be here for a reason, to deal with my own ulterior motives,
my own self bullshit,
My own self deceptions.....

cause what we see in the world out there is like a big mirror,
reflects what is inside us...
inside each of us,
in me...

Dire straits says is pretty well .... in Private Investigations:

It's a mystery to me
The game commences
For the usual fee
Plus expenses
Confidential information
It's in a diary
This is my investigation
It's not a public inquiry

I go checking out the report
Digging up the dirt
You get to meet all sorts
In this line of work
Treachery and treason
There's always an excuse for it
And when I find the reason
I still can't get used to it

And what have you got at the end of the day ?
What have you got to take away ?
A bottle of whisky and a new set of lies
blinds on the window and a pain behind the eyes

Scarred for life
No compensation
Private investigations

Sunday, November 13, 2011

the movie of life

My teamates say something about three Dimensional  movies.
Hm..... !
I wonder, why "Three Dee" (3D) movies really capture our imagination ?
Because the stuff on the screen looks more real, well ok, not totally but a lot more than Two DEE (2D), and we love it ! 
Why ?
It lets me get even deeper into the world of the movie.
It lets me forget more deeply that I'm IN a movie, and for a little while I can forget my problems and totally enter into the story deeper and deeper.
It's like I'm IN the movie, in the world of the movie. In a 3D movie, I'm even more of an invisible all seeing spirit observing a story in the world of those people.
I can pretend I'm  there, with the hero, and I'm totally safe at the same time.
And the good thing is, if the hero gets blown up, - well it's just a movie after all. :-)

12 Nov11 Asoke

I'm having these thoughts, sitting on the side of the road in Bangkok, eating popcorn.
It's  hot, the air is fetid and heavy from car exhausts. I'm having a rest from waving a sign around and  washing windscreens to raise money for flood victims.
Perhaps it's those exhaust gasses, that have unknown spiritual side effects on me ? 

Then a new thought hits me. What if this 3D movie thing gets better and better until I REALLY believe I'm IN the movie.
What if I then forget I'm IN the movie  ?

Hey, what if I'm in a 3D+ movie,  right now!
What if life is a movie like that ?
It all looks three dimensional.
All around me is 'three dee', complete with sound and smell.
And this movie is interactive too, I'm an actor in it.
And the script has a lot of freedom, I can make up stuff on the spot.

Hm... let me see: there's full stereo surround sound.
I turn my head, 360 degrees, all 3D.
Sound and light show all around me. Feels pretty real. What a superb total immersive movie this is !

I tell my teamates about this idea,
They smile, "Yea, nice idea."
After talking about it, the idea really grows on me. I make a mental note to write it all down (what you are reading here is that writing).
If this is a movie, and I'm an actor in it, then where am "I" really ? 
Where is the real Haiko ?
Well I guess he's sitting in some other dimension watching the whole show.
Is he eating popcorn too ?
Is he looking at the show telling himself "Here he is, washing car windscreens in Bangkok"

Have I forgotten that I'm in a movie ?
I dived into the movie called 'life time 237' and forgot the real me. I think it's all real.
The guy sitting in the other dimension, eating popcorn is laughing his head off because his imagination worked so well, I've forgotten this is just a movie.
Ok, its a bit more than a human made movie.
It's called life.

That's what I think enlightenment would be. Remembering that real 'me' watching this 3D movie called 'life', episode 235 in which the hero sits on the side of the road realizing he is a character in a movie. He winks up at the guy 'up there' eating his popcorn . "Hey I'm onto you, I know you're there....he he he, and I don't like being just a character in your imagination."
The popcorn eater just smiles. Infuriating.

If the guy in the life movie gets blown up, well it was just a movie...
I'm still safe wherever I am, eating my heavenly popcorn watching it all.
oooops, I don't think I'm that calm about that idea.
hm...I  wonder is that what they call attachment ? Identification with the illusion ('maya') of life ?
Or am I losing the plot here ?

Later that day I came across this quote on a website:

      If only the mind would release its hold, your hearts would have no difficulty in embracing every aspect of the human journey. You see, dear Ones, you sit squarely in the center of All-That-Is and nothing, absolutely nothing, can remove you from that spot.

'What of death?' asks fearful mind. 'Death is the end, there is no more.'

But, dear mind, from the center of Now, all things are ever-present.
The drama of life allows for the experience of birth and death, but the curtain of illusion falls readily and the actors leave the stage and continue on.
If this be not so, then what of the miracle of spring?
                        - Emmanuel,

Let me follow this idea a bit more and see where it leads.
The movie of life, could be some collaborative thing, not just MY single imagination, but the imagination of a whole lot of my  friends.
We all get together and we cast the roles.
"Jack, can you be the father, and Jane, how about you play the mum. I'll be the kid. I want you to spoil me rotten and bring out all my selfishness. Then you gonna die (exit stage left) and leave me your fortune and I'll think I've arrived in heaven."
"Yep, sounds good," Jack says, "I've never known how to balance love and limits, this is a good way to explore my boundaries, I'm in, if you're ok  being the kid that I work on?"
"Sure, just what I need."
Jane says, "I don't like the mum part you got there,  can I be an addicted mum ? would that work ?"
"Hmmmm.....yea, that would work too. Sure."
"Great,  I've a few things in that area I gotta get sorted."
Etc.... and so it goes.
We work it out so all the parts of the movie perfectly mesh together and everyone  gets their parts played out properly.

It's way more complicated than those multiuser interactive games, but it's the same core idea.

Ok, time to get up and wave that sign, smile and wash a few more windscreens.
Amazing what a bit of carbon monoxide, heat and sweat will do for the creative imagination.
Could we bottle that and stick it in a pill....?

......back to 'work'.


I've read about people who can make mechanical arms move like normal arms, by using the nerves signals and a computer to decipher them.
That is wonderful especially for handicapped people, by accident or birth.
Even more they can  make wheelchair move by thought signals, by decoding the brain waves.
But hang on a second: I  just have to will my fingers to move and they move. I just have to 'will' and command my body to move and it does.
Isn't that amazing too ?
I have a body, I only have to have the slightest intent to "move" and it does.
Why is that not just as wonderful and special ?

Heiko Rudolph
12Nov11, Asoke intersection,
Fundraising with other Thai and foreign volunteers.
More details on the fundraising  

The whole team

With thanks to Alan Watts for his inimitable style and humour.
One of his bits I like most is about music and life.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

humility.... meeting her

I am losing interest in the 'getting there' thing,
Today, in Bangkok I met a lady at the temple near here (
at Wat Boworn), she was  just sitting, looking troubled.
we talked, very humorously, 

5 Nov 11 Wat Boworn BKK

had breakfast,
she spoke good English,
there was a kind of innocence and beauty about her, 
but seemed to spend her time wandering the area, sewing things, 
haunted by something ? !,....

After we parted, I felt strange, like I'd met a holy person,
someone totally different,
troubled, in pain, yes. all those things.
but there was an indefinable something about her, that shone through her.
And I wondered: who knows  or considers such people ? They are 'weak', 'losers' in the language of the competitive, pushers, and shovers and achievers.... 

And I heard again the distant echo....of a voice that said..... the meet shall inherit the earth ....
What is the point of power if not to help protect those without it ?
What is the point of a knight of honour if not to look after those who need it ? 

what is the point of money if not to use it for the common good ?

and then another thought:
who is more lost ?
The competitive, pushers, and shovers and achievers....
the one on the street, with only a bag to hold all her things ? 

5Nov11 Bangkok

12Nov11: we met again by chance later. I realize: the teacher of humility does not have to know consciously what she is, and what she is teaching...
We are all teaching things to people all the time, ... most of it not consciously, and much of it depends on the student and how they take things....

Friday, October 28, 2011

qualified to smile and be kind ?

...there is a more recent belief that like specialists in electronics, law, food, making coffee, .... 
we need to be qualified to be help another human i.e. to just care... 

I read a book from the US of A last week, in which the lady told people, "hey I'm not a therapist, I can't help you with your decisions...." 
I thought, (from the situation she described) all the person wanted was human caring, a friendly smile, a caring word, sure a super dooper qualified shrink might be useful, but all they wanted was a kind word. 
Anyone can do that. 

Saigon 2011, balloon seller

I experience that kind of commonsense caring in the materially "poor" places, Myanmar, Laos, but not so much in Singapore and Australia, and rich places. 
I find myself getting grumpy and aggro like everyone else in those places, and I find myself kinder and more smiling in those other places, 

but what I find most strange: this idea that I need to be a qualified 'expert' to help someone. 
It hit me particularly on this visit back to Oz-stralia. 

Note to self: smile, take the risk, smile at people, who cares if they think I'm a ........ 

Thursday, July 07, 2011

giving up bits of my true self

graciously bowing 

is not the same 

as giving up bits of my true self 

I give up my dreams, my true selves, 

and I wait for thanks that never comes. 


CHOOSE: love or anger ? 

in all honesty: I never deserved thanks, 
I was running from myself. 
It looked like - I sacrificed for another, 
but really: I was afraid to BE who I AM. 

CHOOSE: love or anger ?  

I hoped the love and thanks of others would be enough. 
that it would be easier to gain than....
than.... the love and acceptance I can give myself. 

CHOOSE: love or anger ?  

I am back at the beginning: true to self ? or fear of self ? 
A smile. 
It is ok. 

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

how WORRY works -

I love taking technical things apart, to see how they work.
Today I started taking something else apart: Worry.

I figured out HOW worry works. I don't know WHY people worry, or how to STOP it, but I have satisfied myself that I understand how the components fit together.

It goes like this: Imagine the unstoppable bullet hits the impenetrable wall.
That's ridiculous you might say. Yes, sure, it is, no doubt about it.
If the bullet is unstoppable it has to go through everything, I mean, by definition, EVERYTHING.
Yes, correct. This is a correct statement, a true proposition, something you can conceive.

If the wall is impenetrable then nothing, I mean NOTHING can go through it.
Again, correct, true etc....

What if the unstoppable bullet hits the impenetrable wall ?
Well its mentally & logically not sensible.
It's non-sense.
Yes. Exactly.

And that is how worry works, exactly like that.
At least it does for me. I mean those long term worry things.

I believe a certain thing, I trust that authority. The unstoppable bullet authority.
I know they are right, they been nice, kind and right about 100's of things.

I also believe things the impenetrable wall authority says.
you get the idea right ?

Each of the parts that make up the worry ball are perfectly sensible and reasonable.
I can imagine an unstoppable bullet.
It's a thing I can get my mind around. Fine.
Same with the impenetrable wall.
The real fun starts once you combine the two. He he he :-)
I get the perfect worry ball. A great recipe.

This kind of example is so simple, so easy to see through, it is is ridiculous.
But some of my worries, especially about decision making, are exactly like that.
I go round and round trying to reconcile things that are NOT and NEVER reconcilable.
The mind, is not almighty.
It cannot solve everything, it can even create unsolvable stuff.

I just have to find the bullet and the wall.
And then I see the conflict, that can theoretically never be solved.


Because the best response to that kind of worry is to say "Bulls***" and walk away. Or you can say other things too.

There are many things to do.

But the problem is: it never looks that obvious. The bullet idea is very persuasive, it might be something I've believed since I was kid, deep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside.
And the same for the wall idea...
Voila, we have worry. :-)

The bullet and wall analogy was the clue that unraveled the anatomy of worry for me.

Of course there are lots of other questions i could ask myself
  • What do i really gain by worrying ? I must gain something, there must be some payoff, I must be able to get "off the hook" with something....
  • Do I like the drama ? tension ? pain ? (yes strange as may seem, that is something people can 'like' in way).
Einstein is credited with the saying that:

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Does all this make it easier to stop worrying ?

Don't know, let me see what happens.

In future posts I'll talk about bit more about this. By writing about it here, I get my own mind clear.

- The fonts on this post seem to do strange things, I format them as courier and they come out as something else in different sizes.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Music, life and 'getting there'

When I get too serious about life I remind myself of this bit about Music & life.
Feb2011 Saigon
 Thanks to Alan Watts

Friday, May 06, 2011

only one thing I fear

only one thing I fear, 

--- that was all I was going to write. But I can't stop without a fight ---- 
--- So here is more, - some elaboration on what went before ---

Truth that I like - I don't fear,
Truth about others - I hold very dear,

Truth about self,
I put on the shelf

I don't want to know
I would rather go,

Many places, far and wide, 
seeking a refuge in which to hide.

Weakness and shame,
are just part of the game, 
Of avoiding the light, 
of doing what's right.

helpful and kind
like bastard and blind, 
also can be, 
a way not to see, 
The truth within me.

Is truth just for he lucky and the strong ? 
No, in that you are wrong. 

Pure willpower and force 
the truth to face,  
Useful allies may be,
but not sufficient you'll see.

all that's required
is Grace to call.
"in darkness I'm mired,
please aideth ...." 

The humble and kind
not the strong of mind, 
The humble and kind
the kingdom will find

HeRR, Saigon 6May2011

Thursday, May 05, 2011

pain of refusing to accept what IS

pain comes from refusing to accept what IS
most of all: what IS inside me.
What I judge as unacceptable. 

Friday, April 29, 2011

doubt = the serpent

I read once: doubt was the serpent in the garden of Eden, not sexuality.
if no doubt: I would feel, trust  my feeling and do it...

mind comes in and says...ah....yes..... but are you sure.... ?
maybe it is like this instead.... ?
or like that ????

Thursday, April 28, 2011

inspire me inspire me - I need another fix

inspire me oh ye gurus of the past, 
lift up my soul,
make me feel better, 

Let me climb on your shoulders and pretend...
to enjoy the  view from your lofty heights.

When all is said and done.... 
your inspiration is just another fix.... 
a shot in my pin pricked arm... 


your inspiration another item on a long list of  "should do this and should dooo that.... " 
Like the morning after
it makes the way seem longer
and the road much harder.... 

why not be honest and tell me, 
it's hard, 
damn hard, 
blood sweat and tears you  require, 
to reach the heights you aspire. 
No shortcuts there are, 
no bus or fast car,
just face it buster
and your courage do muster.... 

But no, you give me dreams instead,
You goad me with hopes, and you  turn my head, 
with promise of insight 
and nirvanas in the night 
-  just around the next corner you say
Just a round the corner you pray

Just around the next corner,
or perhaps the last one you have just accomplished,
is the treasure you have been seeking all of your lives.
You do not have to begin a lengthy and far-reaching search,
for the treasure resides exactly where you are,
in the Divine aspects of your true Self
in this very moment of eternity.

So please, dear ones, put down your shovels and spades
and call off the back hoe of extreme and desperate effort.
All you will ever need is with you now. All that you have
ever sought awaits you in your own true hearts. - by Emmanuel
it can't be that simple,
It can't be that nice, 
there must be some tricks
and cracks in the ice.

I'll just keep on digging, 
with shovel and spade.... 
bring in the dozers, 
and excavate the hate.... 

with luck I might find 
that I've reached the core, 
only to find myself standing 
on another lost shore, 

and like the rabbit 
that races the tortoise 
my efforts in  vain, 
because really, 
it's all a totally different game.
The journey is no more
than a breath in time,
no more than a heartbeat
in distance.
Come home to your Selves. - by "Emmanuel"