Sunday, November 08, 2015

trying to fit myself into 'the box'

Trying to squeeze myself into the box: judging myself 'bad' when I can't make it
Usually I squeeze myself into the socially acceptable box, of the ideal person
Social ideal person

when that does not work I judge myself as bad, pathetic, wrong, deficient, and I try harder.
It never occurs to me that actually I don't know who I am, what I truly want, and what my own energies are.  
I just assume I know all that. 
And if I am not the ideal person I think I ought to be, then it's  because I'm not trying hard enough, I'm not good enough. 

Social ideals are simple: heaps of money, good looks, admired by all, super smart, innovative, 'green', + whatever the current fashion is....
Can anyone really meet them ? 

So we try harder. 

Actually we can both, 
we can put a bit of our energies into the social role, but not all of it. 
If this is me:
full energies
it won't fit into the small ideal. 

What to do ? 
respect each reality, the social as well as the greater being I am. 
Neither try to be all one or the other. 
Middle path, 
easy ? 
Possible ? 
yes like learning to ride a bicycle.... 

Friday, September 18, 2015

The DiHydrogen Monoxide inspection

"Are your qualified and certified to handle DiHydrogen Monoxide Madam ?"

"I am, I did the course 3 years ago."

"And you completed a refresher course within the last 12 months ?"

"I did, here is the update stamp, and the receipt to the 'safe handling of DiHydrogen Monoxide Association' ".

The fat balding official made notes on his tablet computer, updated the master database and looked around the living room.

"Have all the members of your family familiar been briefed about HiHydrogen Monoxide safety procedures ?"

"I'm not sure what procedures you mean ?" Maria looked worried.

"Safe limits for ingestion, handling of hot DiHydrogen Monoxide, small children and DiHydrogne Monoxide Overdose ?"

"Oh yes, they all been told, and they very good at it. We have put them into the DiHydrogen Monoxide survival course and they love it."

The official looked around the flat briefly, and took his leave.


More information about DiHydrogen Monoxide here at DHMO
an organization dedicated to the regulation of DiHydrogen Monoxide.

Wikipedia DHMO information

Monday, September 14, 2015

biting off more than I can chew ?

The waterfall rushed in the background.
He stirred his tea, and looked at me.

“There is a way of stepping back from life,”  he said and looked at me.
“How so ?”
“I pretend that I am not part of the  life I know, that I’m far far away, watching things from a great distance.

I pretend to myself that I’m on ‘the other side’, I have no body, I have I am free, pure spirit.
I look at the colour, the physicality of this world. The ‘realness’ of the stones,”
He hit the stone wall beside him with his palm, “I see the water, the food  and I feel a desire to be part of it all. To be part of that world again.
It’s a deep longing, to dive in again, to go through with the adventure of a physical life and body.

Does that make sense ?”

I just nodded.
How could I tell him?
Better to be quiet.

“...and the adventure calls and calls.... I think about it.... I imagine being there... I play with different places, different times,... and then one day it just feels ‘right’. I know it’s time and I jump in... J

“Jump where ?”

“Here, this physical world, the hard ground, the water, the air, that sense of final realness, and yet it isn’t really final – or rather it is, and it isn’t. Both at the same time. “

I smiled at him.

“Come on, doesn’t the world feel like it’s hiding a tremendous, terrible secret ?”

I wanted him to go on talking, so I just shrugged.

“It’s a secret of terrible beauty, the things we see in this world are just the surface, it’s pretending to be one thing, waiting for you to find the key, the way in. The physical world wants you to find it.  It’s really simple, but you have to find it yourself. If someone tells you, you don’t get the benefit, you will just have to do it all again from the beginning.”

“Hmm.... I think I understand,” I told him, glad to be able to confirm his hunch.
I wasn’t allowed to say anything else. If I told him any more, it would only make things more difficult.
So I played the part he needed me to be:“I don’t get it. Why do we come here then ? You say it’s an urge, a desire. But when we are here, we don’t remember and we all just want to go ‘home’ leave behind this world of limitations. We dream of ‘escaping the cycle of death and rebirth, or to put it more bluntly, we just dream of leaving this ‘shithole of imperfection’ for the pure realm of spirit. Almost all religions treat the physical world as lower class, and something to get away from, because it’s impure, imperfect and all that kind of thing.”

He nodded.
“Yes they do.
But what if it’s actually not like that ?
What if the point is to see the true perfection in the here and now physical world ?”

I shook my head. It was kind of fun playing the part.

He went on: “Wait, just play with this idea: What if the whole point is to get beyond the idea of physical life as ‘imperfect’ and somehow lesser ?
I’m not saying this is THE TRUTH I want you to believe, I’m saying, play pretend. Pretend for the next five minutes that there is a way of being in harmony with this imperfect shithole of a world. There is a way of seeing it as perfectly imperfect.
Just take what everyone says and turn it around by 180 degrees.”

I looked at the waterfall. Water birds stood on the lotus leaves and stared into the water.
Then I looked at him again, his expectant face, watching mine.
“I get it,” I said quietly.
He had no idea just how close he was.

“It’s funny isn’t it ? We come here because we want that focus, to drill down into the thing we want to learn, and then, when we’re here, we spend all our time trying to escape again and go back to where we came from.”

He looked at me, as if reading a secret message on my face.
"Are we just scared ?
When I was 18 years old, I had this idea of going on a great adventure.
I left school, left home and hopped on a plane and flew to Denpasar.
We landed and I looked out of the window of the plane, soldiers with guns patrolled the runway.
It smelled weird.
I didn't understand the language.
What the hell had I got myself into ?
I felt scared.
For the next few months I just kept really quiet and followed the other tourists.
Back home, it all seemed like a great idea.
Leave everything, get out, and go on a great adventure.
Once I got there, the reality was a totally different thing.
Took me six months to relax and start to enjoy things.

Is it what what's it's like when we come here into this physical life ?"

"Yep, for most of us".

Sunday, November 23, 2014

​​Lets dream out way out of the maze....

Think not that dreams appear to the dreamer only at night:
the dream of this world of pain appears to us even by day.

(Yoru bakari Miru mono nari to Omou-nayo!
Hiru saë yumé no Ukiyo nari-kéri.)
- Translated by Lafcadio Hearn 1899

The Buddhists speak about "illusion", 
others call it a "dream" or the 'matrix'....

Morpheus : Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo : No.
Morpheus : Why?
Neo : Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my
own life.

Morpheus : I know..._exactly_ what you mean. Let me tell you why you're
here. You're here because you know something. What you know,
you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your
entire life. That there's something _wrong_ with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's a splinter
in you're mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has
brought you to me. Do you _know_ what I'm talking about?
Neo : The Matrix?
Morpheus : Do you want to know...._what_ _it_ is....?
Neo nods
Morpheus : The Matrix is everywhere. It's all around us, even in this
very room
. You can see it when you look out your window or
when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you
go to work, when you go to work, when you pay your taxes.
The Matrix is the world that has been pulled over your eyes,
to blind you from the truth.
Neo : What truth?
Morpheus : That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born
into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or
taste or touch. A prison...for your mind....Unfortunatly,
no one can be..._told_ what the Matrix have to see
it for yourself.


Dance me to the children, who are asking to be born - Leonard Cohen..
or is life like a dream ?


In the district called Toichi of Yamato Province, (1) there used to live a goshi named Miyata Akinosuke... [Here I must tell you that in Japanese feudal times there was a privileged class of soldier-farmers,—free-holders,—corresponding to the class of yeomen in England; and these were called goshi.]
In Akinosuke's garden there was a great and ancient cedar-tree, under which he was wont to rest on sultry days. One very warm afternoon he was sitting under this tree with two of his friends, fellow-goshi, chatting and drinking wine, when he felt all of a sudden very drowsy,—so drowsy that he begged his friends to excuse him for taking a nap in their presence. Then he lay down at the foot of the tree, and dreamed this dream:—
He thought that as he was lying there in his garden, he saw a procession, like the train of some great daimyo descending a hill near by, and that he got up to look at it. A very grand procession it proved to be,—more imposing than anything of the kind which he had ever seen before; and it was advancing toward his dwelling. He observed in the van of it a number of young men richly appareled, who were drawing a great lacquered palace-carriage, or gosho-guruma, hung with bright blue silk. When the procession arrived within a short distance of the house it halted; and a richly dressed man—evidently a person of rank—advanced from it, approached Akinosuke, bowed to him profoundly, and then said:—
"Honored Sir, you see before you a kerai [vassal] of the Kokuo of Tokoyo. [1] My master, the King, commands me to greet you in his august name, and to place myself wholly at your disposal. He also bids me inform you that he augustly desires your presence at the palace. Be therefore pleased immediately to enter this honorable carriage, which he has sent for your conveyance."
Upon hearing these words Akinosuke wanted to make some fitting reply; but he was too much astonished and embarrassed for speech;—and in the same moment his will seemed to melt away from him, so that he could only do as the kerai bade him. He entered the carriage; the kerai took a place beside him, and made a signal; the drawers, seizing the silken ropes, turned the great vehicle southward;—and the journey began.

In a very short time, to Akinosuke's amazement, the carriage stopped in front of a huge two-storied gateway (romon), of a Chinese style, which he had never before seen. Here the kerai dismounted, saying, "I go to announce the honorable arrival,"—and he disappeared. After some little waiting, Akinosuke saw two noble-looking men, wearing robes of purple silk and high caps of the form indicating lofty rank, come from the gateway.

These, after having respectfully saluted him, helped him to descend from the carriage, and led him through the great gate and across a vast garden, to the entrance of a palace whose front appeared to extend, west and east, to a distance of miles. Akinosuke was then shown into a reception-room of wonderful size and splendor. His guides conducted him to the place of honor, and respectfully seated themselves apart; while serving-maids, in costume of ceremony, brought refreshments. When Akinosuke had partaken of the refreshments, the two purple-robed attendants bowed low before him, and addressed him in the following words,—each speaking alternately, according to the etiquette of courts:—

"It is now our honorable duty to inform you... as to the reason of your having been summoned hither... Our master, the King, augustly desires that you become his son-in-law;... and it is his wish and command that you shall wed this very day... the August Princess, his maiden-daughter... We shall soon conduct you to the presence-chamber... where His Augustness even now is waiting to receive you... But it will be necessary that we first invest you... with the appropriate garments of ceremony." [2]

Having thus spoken, the attendants rose together, and proceeded to an alcove containing a great chest of gold lacquer. They opened the chest, and took from it various roes and girdles of rich material, and a kamuri, or regal headdress. With these they attired Akinosuke as befitted a princely bridegroom; and he was then conducted to the presence-room, where he saw the Kokuo of Tokoyo seated upon the daiza, [3] wearing a high black cap of state, and robed in robes of yellow silk. Before the daiza, to left and right, a multitude of dignitaries sat in rank, motionless and splendid as images in a temple; and Akinosuke, advancing into their midst, saluted the king with the triple prostration of usage. The king greeted him with gracious words, and then said:—
"You have already been informed as to the reason of your having been summoned to Our presence. We have decided that you shall become the adopted husband of Our only daughter;—and the wedding ceremony shall now be performed."
As the king finished speaking, a sound of joyful music was heard; and a long train of beautiful court ladies advanced from behind a curtain to conduct Akinosuke to the room in which he bride awaited him.
The room was immense; but it could scarcely contain the multitude of guests assembled to witness the wedding ceremony. All bowed down before Akinosuke as he took his place, facing the King's daughter, on the kneeling-cushion prepared for him. As a maiden of heaven the bride appeared to be; and her robes were beautiful as a summer sky. And the marriage was performed amid great rejoicing.
Afterwards the pair were conducted to a suite of apartments that had been prepared for them in another portion of the palace; and there they received the congratulations of many noble persons, and wedding gifts beyond counting.

Some days later Akinosuke was again summoned to the throne-room. On this occasion he was received even more graciously than before; and the King said to him:—
"In the southwestern part of Our dominion there is an island called Raishu. We have now appointed you Governor of that island. You will find the people loyal and docile; but their laws have not yet been brought into proper accord with the laws of Tokoyo; and their customs have not been properly regulated. We entrust you with the duty of improving their social condition as far as may be possible; and We desire that you shall rule them with kindness and wisdom. All preparations necessary for your journey to Raishu have already been made."

So Akinosuke and his bride departed from the palace of Tokoyo, accompanied to the shore by a great escort of nobles and officials; and they embarked upon a ship of state provided by the king. And with favoring winds they safety sailed to Raishu, and found the good people of that island assembled upon the beach to welcome them.

Akinosuke entered at once upon his new duties; and they did not prove to be hard. During the first three years of his governorship he was occupied chiefly with the framing and the enactment of laws; but he had wise counselors to help him, and he never found the work unpleasant. When it was all finished, he had no active duties to perform, beyond attending the rites and ceremonies ordained by ancient custom. The country was so healthy and so fertile that sickness and want were unknown; and the people were so good that no laws were ever broken. And Akinosuke dwelt and ruled in Raishu for twenty years more,—making in all twenty-three years of sojourn, during which no shadow of sorrow traversed his life.

But in the twenty-fourth year of his governorship, a great misfortune came upon him; for his wife, who had borne him seven children,—five boys and two girls,—fell sick and died. She was buried, with high pomp, on the summit of a beautiful hill in the district of Hanryoko; and a monument, exceedingly splendid, was placed upon her grave. But Akinosuke felt such grief at her death that he no longer cared to live.

Now when the legal period of mourning was over, there came to Raishu, from the Tokoyo palace, a shisha, or royal messenger. The shisha delivered to Akinosuke a message of condolence, and then said to him:—
"These are the words which our august master, the King of Tokoyo, commands that I repeat to you: 'We will now send you back to your own people and country. As for the seven children, they are the grandsons and granddaughters of the King, and shall be fitly cared for. Do not, therefore, allow your mind to be troubled concerning them.'"
On receiving this mandate, Akinosuke submissively prepared for his departure. When all his affairs had been settled, and the ceremony of bidding farewell to his counselors and trusted officials had been concluded, he was escorted with much honor to the port. There he embarked upon the ship sent for him; and the ship sailed out into the blue sea, under the blue sky; and the shape of the island of Raishu itself turned blue, and then turned grey, and then vanished forever... And Akinosuke suddenly awoke—under the cedar-tree in his own garden!
For a moment he was stupefied and dazed. But he perceived his two friends still seated near him,—drinking and chatting merrily. He stared at them in a bewildered way, and cried aloud,—
"How strange!"
"Akinosuke must have been dreaming," one of them exclaimed, with a laugh. "What did you see, Akinosuke, that was strange?"
Then Akinosuke told his dream,—that dream of three-and-twenty years' sojourn in the realm of Tokoyo, in the island of Raishu;—and they were astonished, because he had really slept for no more than a few minutes.
One goshi said:—
"Indeed, you saw strange things. We also saw something strange while you were napping. A little yellow butterfly was fluttering over your face for a moment or two; and we watched it. Then it alighted on the ground beside you, close to the tree; and almost as soon as it alighted there, a big, big ant came out of a hole and seized it and pulled it down into the hole. Just before you woke up, we saw that very butterfly come out of the hole again, and flutter over your face as before. And then it suddenly disappeared: we do not know where it went."
"Perhaps it was Akinosuke's soul," the other goshi said;—"certainly I thought I saw it fly into his mouth... But, even if that butterfly was Akinosuke's soul, the fact would not explain his dream."
"The ants might explain it," returned the first speaker. "Ants are queer beings—possibly goblins... Anyhow, there is a big ant's nest under that cedar-tree."...
"Let us look!" cried Akinosuke, greatly moved by this suggestion. And he went for a spade.

The ground about and beneath the cedar-tree proved to have been excavated, in a most surprising way, by a prodigious colony of ants. The ants had furthermore built inside their excavations; and their tiny constructions of straw, clay, and stems bore an odd resemblance to miniature towns. In the middle of a structure considerably larger than the rest there was a marvelous swarming of small ants around the body of one very big ant, which had yellowish wings and a long black head.
"Why, there is the King of my dream!" cried Akinosuke; "and there is the palace of Tokoyo!... How extraordinary!... Raishu ought to lie somewhere southwest of it—to the left of that big root... Yes!—here it is!... How very strange! Now I am sure that I can find the mountain of Hanryoko, and the grave of the princess."...
In the wreck of the nest he searched and searched, and at last discovered a tiny mound, on the top of which was fixed a water-worn pebble, in shape resembling a Buddhist monument. Underneath it he found—embedded in clay—the dead body of a female ant.

The dream of Akinosoke

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Social media spam

To all my friends who get emails from me asking them to join Linkedin or some other network.

first: my appologies.
The invitation is NOT from me directly.
It's sent by the Linkedin (or whatever other) website.

Second: I don't want you to join, the Linkedin website does.

Third: Why is it sent ?
Linkedin (or whatever website) grabs a person's email address book and then automatically sends email to their friends that looks like it's coming from that person.
Why ?
to get more people ?
Why ?
to make more money. (i.e. the 'holy grail' of the current level of human civilization)

Legal: is it ? I guess so. They don't do this without user permission, but they make it so that you can very easily spam all your friends without clearly meaning to. This is what just happened to you. 

Fourth: I also get emails like this from other friends.
It's usually pretty simple to work out that the email comes from some social network site that sent it autotmatically.
I usually classify it as SPAM and I never see any of those emails again from that person.
I suggest you do that with any annoying Linkedin emails that say they come from me.

If I really want to talk to you I'll email directly with a personal email, and you will easily be able to tell that it's NOT an automated email, because it won't look nice, glossy, pretty and I wont' be asking you join some dumb network that you don't want to join.

Positives: I've made contact with a whole lot of people who write to me to tell me they don't want to join Linkedin, and we have a chat that we would otherwise not have had.

Anthropologist's field notes

 Note1: those people fiercely opposed to and hating all social networks get very annoyed and respond to Linkedin spam as a personal insult. 
They take it personally, and unleash a furious barrage.
A common response is: "No I don't want to join this stupid F****ing network, and I hate all social networks because of blahhha blahhh....blahh.... reason....  and how DARE YOU SPAM with with SHIT !!!!!!!!! " 

Note2: those people who use social networks realize what is going on and quietly get rid of the Linkedin spam. 
A common response is: 
"No big big deal, there is positive and negative to everything in life, I can live with killing the odd email here and there. ... " 

Confession1: I used to be in "Note1" and hated all social network crap. I LOVED hating those things, I thought them stupid and really got into the grumpy old man thing about them. But then I decided to get to grips with the thing I 'hated' and found that I could quite easily control it and use it for my own purposes.
Lesson for self: This applies to life in general, not just this example. 

Hating something is a blind spot and it's kinda fun, in a twisted sort of way.

Confession2: I especially used to enjoy hating Facebook. The more people talked about it the more I determined to have nothing to do with it.  (Note the "enjoy") 
So why the hell did I get into it ? 
Weeeeeeelllllllll.............. you see, t here was this girl I liked.... and she  used it and so I joined too..... amidst much grumbling. 
"I'm only using Facebook to respond to your invitation, I don't like and use Facebook.... I hate it, it sucks...  " I  told   her... 
Weeeeellllllll ...and by now I've learned how to control it and use it and I know what it can and cannot do and I've dropped my fanatical "anti" stance.
Actually it's come in useful to reaching out to people. 
Yes it has bad sides and it has good sides. So do knives. 


  • Anonymous says: 
    I receive several invitations from linkedin every day ! I dont think there is a Spam from Linkedin, but they could design the procedures in a way that sending all invitations should be double confirmed by the linkedin member. For example, in FB, when you want to invite your friends to FB they will ask you to confirm it at least two times and you are able to choose from a list of friends to send them the FB invitation. I think the way Linkeding works is that every time a new member registers with Linkedin they will ask him to add your friends and maybe this process consists just a one time clicking on a button. The LKinkedin will send all of his friends an invitation email and will re send it almost every week as a reminder from Linkedin. So, it is not actually a spam, but a technique they use for making their website popular. I am not sure this way is a good way because every time you receive such email it makes you angry about Linkedin.
  • Haiko Rudolph I was going to say that

    Linkedin makes is deliberately easy to send this stuff, ie. and easy mistake to make, designed this way on purpose.

    the effect is however different now: social media will kick back and Linkedin's image will suffer and become associated with cheap crappy nagging software.

    I used to have some respect for Linkedin, I thought they were more "seriious" and biz like, but this method of spamming my friends, is cheap and nasty stuff.
    Sorry not impressed, they are just another nagging money hungry site.

    Facebook makde the process double confirmed for a good reason, they too used to spam and flood your inbox, and that turned people off much more than it got them customers.

    linkedin has not yet learned that.

    they will

     other kinds of spam that pretend to come from your friends are more tricky, Linkedin is harmless in comparison: 
    example is below: 

    Bill  Smith
    18:30 (0 minutes ago)

    to undisclosed recipients
    Hope you get this on time, I made a trip to Madrid in Spain and had my bag stolen from me with my passport and personal effects therein. The embassy has just issued me a temporary passport but I have to pay for a ticket and settle hotel bills. I've made contact with my bank but it would take me 3-5 working days to access funds in my account from Madrid.

    Western Union transfer is the best option to send money to me. Let me know if you need my details(Full names/location) to make the transfer. I'll refund the money back to you as soon as I return.

    Let me know if you can be of any help.