Yesterday I understood something about myself.
I was just here doing stuff, but I couldn't feel any purpose.
I was drifting around the place.
I felt lost.
I didn't really believe I would ever achieve my life's purpose. Hell, I didn't even know what it was.
I couldn't even tell myself what it was.
Everything I thought of as worthwhile, my inner critic shot it down in in flames.
I was going through the motions.
Oh, but don't you remember that reality confirms your beliefs, whatever they are, they will be confirmed and become self reinforcing.
Yea, I remember that, - I told other people that reality was like that.
Well how about applying it to yourself ?
As in ?
As in believing you have a purpose and that you will achieve it.
What just believe it and I have it ?
Reality confirms your belief.
Yea, that's what I told others.
(A short while later)
Oh, it's called 'Faith' isn't it ?
Yep, that's what some call it.
I feel something different now.
I don't have to be in charge of my destiny, I can trust a greater power that it will all work out somehow, even though I have no idea how.
I don't need to know, in fact I can't know all the steps.
I am a part of all there is and all there is has manifested me .
Something like that.
What do you mean 'something like that ?'
Do you know more or better ?
No, I don't.
Why say "something" then ?
Any expression of 'it' in words, any attempt to encapsulate 'the truth' kills it.
We can only approximate it.
The minute you think you 'got it nailed down' its gone, you have a corpse.
Hmm.... yes ... I get that.
This blog article is my attempt to 'catch it'.
I knew when I started the article it wouldn't really ever hold 'it', but I did it anyway.
Yep, I thought so.
That's what we do.
Do it anyway.
When I look back on my feeling yesterday, i was in a place where I looked for my purpose, couldn't find it, didn't know it, couldn't express it.
So i didn't believe I had one.
I tried to get used to taht.
And what happened ?
I felt crap.
It was like getting used to a missing leg and arm.
And as I told you, I remembered the bit about 'Faith' about 'something being real only if you believe it to be so' which makes no sense to the rational mind.
Yes you told me all that.
The strange thing is: when I'm in the 'rational mind frame' I don't see my purpose, I can't express it.
So i get down.
I feel crap.
For no rational reason, but I feel crap.
I drop into pain and feeling the pain.
Then at the level of the pain, i enter the world of feeling.
In the world of feeling things that didn't make sense in the world of mind, make a lot of sense.
Things like what ?
Believing that I will get my life's purpose done.
That even though I don't know the steps of "HOW", I will get there, I will get there.
Yes, that sounds like you got a grip on what is going on.
My rational self doesn't know how to digest food, how to beat the heart, it all just happens.
I grew up from a one cell egg in the womb, I will go back to dust, and yet some part of me, of the 'i' is still there.
Other parts will go to dust.
It's a FEELING, level of being, which still includes mind and logic, but mind and logic are not the only citizens in that world.
The trouble starts when mind and logic do a 'coup de'tat' and try to seize total control, then they kick out 'feeling' and everything else.
Yes that's what I noticed too.
And once mind and logic try to seize total control, and deny feeling and intuition and all the rest of life, then life becomes a battle, a duality, a fight for survival.
It's 'me against them'.
I, the mind and logic, have to run the whole show.
But that is not reality.
The rest of the Universe is still there.
So a dictatorship of mind and logic creates pain.
And since feeling has been banished, into the jail of the subconscious, pain is not acknowledged.
It can't be.
But it's still there.
So what happens ?
Pain is allowed back in through the backdoor of pseudo reason and rationale.
Pain is projected onto something, someone 'out there' and then its labeld 'bad' and 'enemy' and then the battle begins.
You get more duality.
Psychology calls all that "projection".
Yes, that's it.
The rational mind likes to be 'in charge'.
It doesn't say that in so many words.
If you ask the rational mind "do you want to be in absolute control?" it will say "of course not, it's not even possible."
But because the rational mind has denied (can't understand) feeling, those feelings don't go away, they do what they want.
The heavier ones come up.
That's usually fear and anger.
Fear and anger then direct the mind, and the mind not able to understand or accept feelings, makes up "reasons" and "rationales" that it can accept, for those feelings so it can act on those feelings.
Not realizeing that the true motivation comes from outside the mind i.e. those feelings of fear and anger.
Why do you say the 'rational mind likes to be in charge' ?
How can you say that ?
How can you say a fish likes to swim, and a bird likes to fly ?
Ok Ok, I get it.
You can't solve a problem at the same level of the problem.
A fish who lived in water all his life can't conceive of air and flying or earth and walking, if it insists that there is nothing but water in the universe.
There are two worlds then.
Yes, many more but let's just talk about those two.
The world where reason and logic are the dictators, and claim absolute control, and the world of feeling and faith.
How do you move between the two ?
You have to 'want' to move.
Nothing can force anyone.
No amount of reason of evidence can convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced.
You mean the fish that doesn't want to leave the water ?
The fish doesn't have to leave the water, he just needs to acknowledge that there are a limits to the ocean.
But it's more than that.
If the fish doesn't want to leave the water or even swim close to the limits you can't force him.
So let's say someone wants to move between the worlds.
How does it usually happen ?
Pain and or imagination.
Huhh ??? What do you mean ?
We talked about how the dictatorship of reason and logic creates pain. That's one way.
So given enough pain people will change and see the truth ?
They still have free will.
To be forced by pain is not free will.
It's like someone holding a gun to your head and asking you to say that you freely choose to give them all your money.
I guess that's where the idea of 'hell' comes in.
I guess that's one way to see it, yea.
Ok, so what's the other way, you said 'imagination'.
In our fish and ocean analogy: if the fish is curious, and imagines something different than just ocean then he will check out the limits of the ocean, discover that there is a bottom, and top and sides to his ocean.
And the idea of something 'other' than his world comes into his mind.
I have heard about worlds created from imagination.
The act of creation is imaginative.