Tuesday, April 03, 2012

being a "good dog"
this bit below is a real key step for me
the light comes on ! duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I get it.
now I see why i've been so rebellious all my life.
why I've sabottaged myself in different ways....

QUESTION::: I want so much to be more loving, yet I can't seem to will it to be so. I want to not have all of the anger, nasty thoughts that pass through my mind, yet I can't seem to will it to be so. What shall I do ?

ANSWER:: What you shall do is to cease the willing and embrace the anger. To be loving must mean to be loving to self. It can never mean to be loving to others, until you are loving to self. To say to yourself 'you MUST not be angry', you MUST not be unloving', how can you then love ?
It is commanding the heart to be open.
Hearts do not open on command. It is instructing the child to 'behave' and the child is attempting to behave. But when one says to the child 'be loving !' that is impossible. One can say to the child 'act loving' and all of you know how to do that. And that is where the difference is and that it why it is so difficult for you. You are saying 'be loving !'.
You cannot.
Not until you say to yourself, with all the love that you possess, 'it's all right for me not to be loving', 'I will love myself in my unlovingness'. To say that and to truly mean it, will open your heart. But to DEMAND that you be, or become that is not a loving thing to do to yourself.
Can you not see that these feelings of unlovingness stand upon your history, stand upon your pain. These feelings of unlovingness are your protectors, or so it has seemed to the child. The child says, "NO I WILL NOT BE LOVING, I WILL NOT LOVE !"
Good for the child.
If the child believes it must love on command, much is lost. The child's integrity is lost, The child's capacity to know itself is lost. There is nothing but a puppet and that is not a human being, that is not a god.
Love yourself in your unwillingness to love, and go back in your history to find the very young you, and sit with that young you, and hold dialogue.
And ask that young you, 'why do you not want to be loving ?' and allow the answer to come.
You will find deep respect for yourself, and the moment that that takes place, you will be loving.
- From: Emmanuel.

Alan Watts says the same thing, how one cannot command a state of Being e.g. love.