Grateful ? Content ? Ambition ?

They say that you don't know what you've got till you lost it.

Usually I WANT things, because then I will be HAPPY and content.

"If I only had this much money, or could travel to Egypt, Europe, wherever like XXX can"

"If only I had promotion level YYY".
"Once I get....... "

Let meplay a game with myself, in my mind.

Imagine I've been injured, and crippled, I have lost an arm, or a leg, or an eye, - or perhaps I was born that way.

I would wish to just be 'normal' that would be my constant life long wish.

I would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO incredibly happy if I had a normal body.

Well Haiko, guess what ? you DO have a normal body.

Are you grateful ?

Are you content ?

Or Imagine I was shit poor, working like a dog in the heat all day just to live and eat.
It would be soooooooooooooo nice to have enough money and be able to sit in an office and work in cool comfort.
I'd be happy and content then.

Well Haiko, guess what ? you DO have a job that pays you to research whatever you are interested in and you get to sit in an office and have money to spend.

Are you grateful ?

Are you content ?

Or imagine that you were really old and had to do everything slowly and carefully. You will remember having a young working body.

You will wish you still had it.

Well Haiko, guess what ? you DO have a young (well sort of) body, you are still able to do whatever you like and walk around and get stuff done.... .

Are you grateful ?

Are you content ?

Getting old happens naturally. It does not  take any trauma or accident - we all get old (unless we die early).

hmm...........

Humm..............

.....................

...............

...

.

contentment ? holding onto a brief glimmer or realization

 Everyone - every single thing, every single person is worthy of respect - is OK as they ARE right now.

Sometimes I feel that.  Truly feel that.

Other times I feel that some people are better, some are lesser. Especially feel that I am lesser than some and better than others.

I think that is called judgement.

But judgement does not come and stand up and say "Hi there, I'm judgement!"

Judgement says "You're not good enough yet.... just climb a little higher... THEN it will be OK "

Judgement says "How dare they do this to me ? "

Judgement says "What a failure, why don't they pull themselves together ? "

Judgement tells me "Haiko, you know, you are almost there - just a little more money and little more prestige and status, and then you can relax.... "

"yea sure !"

"What ? you mean you don't believe me ?"

"Exactly."

"Trust me, just a little bit more then you are top of the shit heap and can truly relax and enjoy life."

"I don't think so. You said that last time, and the time before that and the time before that."

"Ah but THIS time I will be different."

"Yes it will be differenet this time, because I don't believe you anymore. You are giving me some bullshit picture about a closed world. Life is infinite, there is always MORE, there WILL ALWAYS be more. It never ends.

There are ALWAYS those above me and will ALWAYS be those below you if you want to put it like that. 

You can play the game of higher and lower, 

you can play the game or important and unimportant

but in the end: each thing, each person just IS who they ARE. 

Higher lower, 

important unimportant are just sticky labels, they don't change the thing. 

A rose by any other name... 

And each moment is just a imporant as each moment. 

NOW is my life. ONLY NOW. 

I am what I AM now. 

Sure, I can still aim, and strive for a goal, but I don't strive and aim to justify myself, or make myself 'OK', I am Ok now." 

"That's new age crap." 

"  :-) Well go  for it - you are not wrong. Do what you need to do. It is your path. 

Run Rabbit run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave

Breathe - Pink Floyd 1973

In the end my friend, it is not a matter of argument. 

The words I have written here are not to convince, but rather to capture and hold that feeling and understanding. You see, understanding contains feeling. 

If the feeling  evaporates then the words are like empty shells, the seed long gone.... 

good night. .... "