Sunday, February 07, 2010

the real ME

Nothing of what I own will remain as part of ME
nothing of my head knowledge is really ME.
None of my memory is really ME, (I use it, like I use a database on a computer)
but - it is something outside of ME,
and not even the insights I have in life are ME, they are stuff along the way I discover.

I got sick of trying to accumulate stuff (physical, stuff, knowledge, spiritual stuff), hoping it would change ME, it never will.

The only way I see to really really take things with me,  
is to take the truths I find and become them, live them, make them ME.
BE inside them.
As long as I know them in my mind I am outside them.
I need to be, I want to BE INSIDE THEM.

For example: I touch the deep insights I gathered in my travels. I enter them briefly in what I call my mandala by remembering them. 
I do the rounds of them. but I don't LIVE THEM. 
I feel them for an instant.
Like a miser with his gold hoard, I count my gold coins, feel them then put them back into the chest.  

but in reality: what I want is to LIVE those truths, 
BE them, let them be a part of ME.

So now I understand that I have been seeking myself, my core being in the temple.
I didn't ever put into such words and when I heard the words that I was seeking the core temple of my being, it made me think:
"what ? lill' ole' me looking for something as grand as the Temple of Being ? git outta dere..."
but I see now how I've been looking for that for a loooooooooong time.
The problems of words and labels...........

Your inner experience is holy.
Why then do you look into the eyes of others
who hold their own inner self in question
and ask them "Will you please tell me who I am ?"
They cannot even know you.
How can you give them the power
to cancel or amend you?
        -Emmanuel book 2 p67
“Well done”, he said, "it is good to stand against the darkness, yet sometimes we must even stand against the light in order to find our true selves.” 
              from "Shadows & Illusions  conversations with Master Serapian" Bk3 p37, 

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