Monday, February 28, 2011

clever bullshit

I'm tired of writing clever bullshit.......
spiritual nice stuff
tired of the lovely understanding, deep clever philosophy crap......
first picture I found and uploaded, - you can guess where it is, not too hard... world famous...

so there.... stuff it all. 
I'm tired, 
nothing to say

bye,
maybe things change......



words

Master I'm sick of words. Words do not do it for me anymore.
Good.
Go behind the reality of words. Because in reality words do not exist, only the reality they describe.....
Words do not exist ?
Can you eat "I love you ?"
I see....
Words are tools like tongs. I use the tongs to put the cake on your plate. You still  need to eat it.
Eat it ?
How  do I eat words ?
Eating  words - means FEELing the reality they describe..... 
.
Saigon Feb2011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Monastery of Life

Saigon Feb2011
I just got a message from YY about the MANY things she needs to do.

I have a very tight schedule for next two weeks.

Lots of meetings and appointments with HHH  for the whole 2 weeks.

I want to go to PPP  and LLL (Delta) for ...... this and .......and that ........and the other.........

I have to lead  ...................... on the weekend.
I chair the XYZ support network meeting on the following weekend.

I want to help  ABC  program opening ceremony on 9th of march for.......
I promised to attend .....................and help my lovely friend.....

I have a lot of stress to do these things, overwhelming

At the same time I want keep in touch with XYZ2.

SSS, tell me something.
YY
(details have been anonymized) 

Her message made me think a bit: so I wrote back: 


Dear YY,

Wow, you really have a LOT to do. 
A real lot. 

Do you remember sometimes we talked about going to a monastery, retreating from life to pursue spirit.  How nice that would be.
Let me think out loud about this: 
Isn't this a challenge for a monk or a nun.... ?
Perhaps this is the kind of thing nun/monk might be asked to do....? 


"What you do you mean ? How can all that running around and stressful stuff be the kind of thing a monk or nun is asked to do ? You got it wrong !"  



"Yes, well maybe,- what if we look at it another way."

The challenge is NOT about getting all those things done, it is rather about becoming aware of how I
resent, things I do and then how i force myself to do them. 

It is being aware of how I panic and run away from the whole situation....




For me the challenge is 

becoming aware of the panic, the resentment, the pushing without judging myself for it. 
notice this last bit: 

WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF
WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF
WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF

AND
becoming aware of how I make myself rush, and  how I then lose the joy in the moment, 

and being aware of those things
WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF
sending myself energy of love and acceptance
WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF
sending myself energy of love and acceptance
WITHOUT JUDGING MYSELF
sending myself energy of love and acceptance

And is that way of being aware without judging not very similar to the way of meditation ? 
Have I not been told by the meditation masters to let the distractions arise and not to react, not to judge them but to let them pass through like the clouds in the sky... ? 
To let them come and let them go ? 
To me this looks like the same process, only now it is applied to the HERE and NOW of daily life, 
- not in the meditation posture, but in the flow of normal everyday life....

When I push and rush then I lose the trust in life, 

or perhaps it is the other way round: when I no longer believe that things WILL work out, then I push and rush... the result is the same.

There is NO simple method I can write down (for myself, you or anyone else), of how to get into the moment and into trust with life...
- but asking for help
- using the slow energy
might be a good place to start... and also:
- the inner smile (from Chi Gong), the secret inner smile...
- Other chi Gong techniques: breathe in the light, and imagine it comes from the center of the Universe and energizes you. ...


Being aware..... is the key... and is this not the theme of all mindfullness training,

is this not the theme of the monastic life ? 


So for me, there is no need to go to the monastery,
I am IN the Monastery of Life already.....
this kind of thing can be done every moment of the day,
the monastery is HERE with me NOW !!!
If Heiko can't find it HERE NOW then Heiko won't find it in the monastery either....
those are my thoughts - it my truth... whether it be your truth.... only YOU can decide :-)



All this is
something I'm working on myself. I struggle with stress and panic and rushing and pushing all the time. We all do. Everyone does.
I suspect that the real solution is not full of struggle, but then I've not yet found the real solution....
I don't give you this as advice. Instead I share it as an idea to pursue if YOU want to. 

I am a total beginner in this myself... but I like this way of seeing things.
I can just imagine my master telling me something like this. 
I can just hear the words: 
"Ah Grasshopper, it is NOT about achieving the tasks on your list, is about being in the moment. The tasks are simply the training tools in the Gymnasium of spirit."  
And I would say:
"Ah master, that is easy for you say. It seems impossible to me. Look how we all struggle !" 
And my master would pour a cup of tea, sip it, look past me into the distance and say nothing.



And how do I know I have found the flow of the moment ?
how do I know I have let go of resentment, pushing, rushing, panic ?
Simple: when I flow in joy. 
when there is no  more forcing and pushing and straining and stressing.
When I flow with the river, rather than push it faster. or try to slow it down...
when I read the flow of the river and let it carry me ....
sounds like spiritual bullshit ?
ha ha ha, perhaps .... try it....
when I really works and I stop worrying,  stressing and just DO in trust then things really move and flow...there is not other way to put it....
yes, it takes me days of effort to get an hour of such flow....
but it is worth it
and I imagine that I can get it done more and more....
lets see....


I am reminded of the Thai concept of "sanuk" = joy, fun. 
They put sanuk into everything... like seasoning. 
They might have something there....


hope this makes some sense. Thank you for starting me thinking about all this....

SSS

I remember a friend told me once:
you lose 80% of your energy if you do things with resentment......

PS: 28Feb11- next day:  "you get what you concentrate on" i.e. what you think and focus on.
I realized: being aware of the resistance, the pushing, panic, pressure the is one thing,
focusing on it is another thing, - not a good thing. 
So I'm now focusing in the positive, such as the inner smile. 
An interesting distinction, which I only rediscovered once I started to act and do the things I wrote about above. 
HH


....................................................................................................
Dance me to the children who are asking to be born - Leonard Cohen 


Surgery under local anaesthetic  in Burma by the mobile Surgeon Dr Naga          

Saturday, January 22, 2011

choosing our lifetime

YY said: Nobody knows where they have to go and which new body they will get in next life.

HR:  the secret is: WE decide ourselves where we are born and how and when.

It is a bit hard to understand but let me try to make it clearer.

When you are studying something, a language, maths, medical anatomy ...whatever, have you ever felt that there was some weakness in your studies, and you needed to practice it to get better ?
Perhaps it was something you really wanted to able to do but you were scared to do it?
Can you think of a situation like that ?
Try...

For me I once felt I really wanted to do electronic engineering, it fascinated me it scared me, I was afraid, I would not be smart enough.
At high school everyone thought I would be an engineer, they all thought I was smart enough. But I was scared, I chose to do a simpler course at High School, because I was afraid of the maths.

After 6 years of doing things I was NOT good at, and didn't really like or want to do, I realized: I really HAD to try to do this thing, I really wanted to do the maths, I had to face it and do it.

So I faced it. At age 27, I did the last year of high school again, doing a more difficult maths.
I studied like crazy, I got very good marks. I was surprised.
All I wanted to do was NOT to fail.
I was so so scared of failing.

I went to University to do engineering at age 28, and I was really scared really scared of failing.
I worked like crazy.
I got the medal as top student of the University, the top prize.
I was surprised.

How does this relate to choosing your life, where you are born and what parents and country and race you are ?
I decided to face my fear of maths and failure and forced myself to do something I had successfully avoided.
In the same way I look at everyone who is born as courageous souls who decided to seek the light in the darkness inside them. (or something like that.)

The same: our core, the really deep deep part of us, knows what we want and it decides "I really want to learn this, this and that...." I need to face my fear here and I need to deal with this and that in myself. I need to overcome a fear here and misconception there and once I do my life will open up to give me the next steps..."

.....and so in a place beyond time and space we focus on the right environment, that teaches us,
We decide this with others, on that other level.

Life is NOT  punishment,
Life on earth is not second rate to some other place.
I don't want to escape this life, I'm here to learn, just as I would go to University and learn, (can be fun, can be stressful, but depends on the student and his teachers).
I'll go 'home' and review my lessons and then come back for more.
In one sense, we are all strangers in a strange land. The ultimate travellers between a place of no time and no space, to a place of space and time, and back again.....


I enrolled myself in this life, I chose to put in some tough things to overcome and work on (relationships, old fears, old scars, special talents encrypted till a certain age... etc...)
I think whatever I get in this life, on that other higher level I wanted it. Our soul deep down knows what it wants, there  are no stuff ups, not mistakes.
Of course the human personality in me find things hard, scary, and wants to avoid and run from them., but that is no surprise: I'm are here to deal with things I'm afraid to face. So of course it will be tough at times.
Else I'm not really learning anything.

There is little point going to primary school to learn the ABC if you are a genius in writing.
My lessons are cleverly set out by my higher self before birth, the exact nature of them is not set in concrete, but the basic gist of them is.
And since there is no time as we  know it (not linear time anyway) we have all eternity. But while I'm here, I am bound to the local customs and culture of this world, and time DOES matter.. (sort of). :-)
When in Rome do as the Romans do, when in human form, do as humans do... he he he

Life on earth is a schoolroom, we are here to learn.
sounds too simple does it not?
I guess saying it like that is too simple. It is glib and simplistic, too simple yes, I agree. I dislike such simple things trotted out in response to deep painful hurt  and questioning by someone.
But all I really want to say here is: we chose it.
It is good to be here.
Trying to escape into stuff, makes it harder.
Even trying to escape into "enlightenment" can be an escape.
Where am I afraid ? there is my lesson.
Where will I never ever accept something ?

There is the hard parts that need softening in love.

etc....
enough
H

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The continental - Saigon.

It's evening twilight. I just got back from work on the back of a motorcycle taxi. 
I'm in the Continental hotel, in a room in the first floor overlooking the inner courtyard.
 Low key piano music whafts in through my window. A man sings songs of missing his lady into a microphone. Tonight's wedding reception is about to start.
Frangipani trees in the courtyard reach right up to my balcony.
Heiko sits by his laptop writing emails.

There is a feeling of safety being the middle of an old building like this. The ceilings are high and the furniture old, solid wood. I've lit a candle. Saxophone music snakes its way around the place.
It feels like being safely tucked away into bed. A new life and a new place, a new city. 

Graham Greene wrote "the Quiet American" here. Wars, changes of regime, tanks, revolutions, all swept through this place.

For a moment I feel I'm in the 1940's in a distant time, when life and culture was so different. What changes this hotel must have seen since 1880.
And now little Heiko sits here, for a few days, one of the thousands of people to pass through this room. Heiko thinks his problems are so so so important, but in 5 years, who cares ? Not even Heiko will care then...
Life is strange...
- "Pantha Rei"(everything flows) life will change drastically and this moment pass into memory. So enjoy every moment....

...and it might seem decadent in a time of floods and crisis in Australia, for me to sit her in such a place in Saigon and enjoy it like this.

best wishes from Saigon.

Heiko
 
'dance me to the children who are asking to be born....'  - Leonard Cohen 

Sometimes the threads on the loom suggest the picture to come.

Then we know that our children-to-be Hope for us in the Bardo.

For them we weave until our arms grow tired.
                -- The years of Rice and Salt - by Kim Stanley Robinson


...from this broken hill I will sing to you...if it be your will - L.Cohen.


"finally making it and getting there" - Alan Watts

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