The nation of Haiko = PART 2 FROM love melts - "should" rebells - the core of self

Laos 2000

In the last post    love melts - "should" rebells - the core of self   I wrote about how  "should" and "ought" often carry this "or else...." threat of force. There is NO choice. Actually there is no respect. The Core BEing of a person does not like that. 

It sets up a war. 

Especially if the "should" is an order from the outside, a social expection like "you should be wildly successful and look tall trim and terrific" 

"Should lose some weight..." (or whatever it is for you). 

"you should love love football like all your brothers,.... "  etc... etc...lots of examples... 

The reason for the war within is that the Core BEing of a person has its own life. 

Have you ever tried to make yourself like something you don't like ? 

Did it work ? 

Really ? 

If yes, great, you are lucky. 

For me it does not work. The more I try to force myself to like something I don't like the less I like it. 

It came as a real surprise to me. 

I realized that I am not just a mind, a set of mental beliefs, there was something else that was ME deep inside that was not definable in words, but he really KNEW what he wanted.

Sure I can force myself to do what my mind thinks I ought to, have the career that society says I should. etc... blah blah... but there is a price to pay.  

I think of it similar to how a country and its government works. 

The Government, is my conscious mind. The people are the rest of me. 

Sometimes I behave like a dictator, I force the people to bow to my will. 

Sometimes there is a strike by the people - I get sick, ill and can't seem to function, can't get my act together. 

Or I can make myself do whatever I am supposed to but deep down I dislike it and it takes a HUGE amount of energy. Govt forces have to whip the people into getting the work done. Not a pleasant atmosphere in the country of Haiko.  

I like the analogy of thinking of  myself as country, a people, a government. How do I govern myself ? 

Am I some kind of dictator, who rigidly controls everything ? 

Is there a secret rebellion in the land ? 

Rebel forces in the psyche ? 

Conflicting desires ?
Of course, there is always some discontent in any nation.

Is the country of  "Haiko" a true democracy, does the Government express the will of all the people, honestly and without self serving trickery ? 

Does my government listen to the people ? work for the good of all ? or only for the good of a few ?  Which few ? the ones who like certain types of stimulation perhaps ? erhumm.... ?!

How do I govern myself ?  

In that sense, coming into harmony with myself is indeed a way of harmonizing the world. Perhaps all those monks and nuns do have a point, working in their own way  to bring about harmony and peace.  

Myself as a country,  - it's a useful picture, I like it. 

Right now, there is a bit of pain in my right side, just below the ribs in the Nation of Haiko. The government of Haiko is taxing that part of the country too heavily, the farmer's feel screwed and used. 

The whole Nation of Haiko is suffering a bit of an economic downer because the Government keeps the lights on too long, spends too much and won't get enough time for rest and recovery. "produce, produce !!!" is the order from above.... 

There is an ancient principle that sums up this way to thinking: The larger is a reflection of the smaller - or - the microcosm is a reflection of the macrocosm - or - as above so below. 

The society I live in, is the collective expression of every living person in it.  

My life is the expression of my deep inner beliefs and reality... looking back at me and staring me in the face. 

Does my government repress the voices of dissent ? Send in the troops and gun down the rebels ? Does the government of Haiko sit down and negotiate ? Hold free and fair and honest elections and allow the elections of a party that the current government does not like ? 

(That's called: being willing to change)

All those things are easy to see when they are played out on the grand scale of a nation, and you see the effects in the news, on TV and Video blogs. 

Popular uprisings to depose a dictator. 

Rigged elections to prevent genuine change...

Where does the nation of Haiko fall in all this ? Are there rebel forces ? Is there a large popular groundswell of discontent or are the people happy and able to get on with their lives  in peace ? 

This post builds on the earlier one:

love melts - "should" rebells - the core of self

at: http://xylantheum.blogspot.com/2011/03/love-melts-should-rebells-core-of-self.html

Next blog on "free choice" 

why is is neccesary for the core to have free choice ? After all if I know the BEST way there is no choice, I HAVE To take it don't I ? Don't I ? I mean its the best right ? so what choice  is there ? I gotta do it. 

all other ways are worse. 

It's about respect, and more than that too.  

And what if there is something you just HAVE to do (stay in Job you can't leave) ? 

Your core dislikes it

You can't make yourself like what you genuinely don't like...so what to do ??? 

next blog....  I hope..... :-) 

Laos 2000

i am not my mind - my mind thinks it is all I am

Siam, Nhong Khai, 2004

Something surprising hit me the other day:

I realized that the REAL ME is something ...something .... which I can't describe.

But of one thing I was sure: it is NOT my mind.

I never saw it so clearly before.
I am  not not my mind.
I AM more than a mind.
I AM more than my thoughts or even my feelings.

There is an " i " which has thoughts and feelings, but those thoughts and feelings are not the core of what I call " i " or " myself ".
I never really understood that part until now.

I always knew it intellectually but I didn't 'get it' until that day.

I have found that in my life, I can not simply do whatever my mind thinks of -  because I AM more than my mind.

I can try, and I will pay the price on a non mind level.
A price of pain: pain is not only a mental thing, pain transcends all levels, just as joy does.
Mind is a tool, a nice tool, but a tool IS not ME.

Taking this a few steps further:
My body IS not ME, it is a tool.
So who is ME ?
Whoever  I AM in the end: I'm not physical, even though I have dressed in a physical body.
I am not mind, even though a mind is part of the package I need to survive in this world.
Who AM i really ?
Well by definition: I can't give a purely an intellectual answer, because that is just a mind answer and as I said above: I AM not just my mind.
So what kind of answer can I give myself ?
Simple: FEEL experience.
BE.
The answer whatever it is has to be felt, experienced,  tasted, seen, I have to BE the answer.

When I think  about (using my mind), how can the answer be anything other than that ?
The answer cannot only be something that is not truly ME. The answer can be partly mental, but not ONLY and not exclusively mental.

The answer can be feeling but not ONLY feeling.
You have to BE the answer, in other words: you ARE the answer to your own question of who am I ?
Makes no logical sense ?
Of course not, it goes way beyond mind.
Mind likes to think it is EVERYTHING - but it isn't. It sits on top of feeling and that in turn is only a part of the real ME.
I wrote all this as I experienced it, now it is fading.
I have yet to BE and FEEL. 
I have yet to experience BEing who I am.
"But How ?" (mind asks)
Answer: "You intend by intending
You Be by BEing."

---(o)---

How did all this stuff about not being my mind come to me ?
It came like this: All my life I've used my mind to do things I thought would be 'good' by mind's standards. Mentally there was nothing wrong with those things, they were morally ok. They were even socially approved.
But to my surprise I kept running into something else. 
I kept running into myself, those bits that were not just my mind.
I would set up my perfect lifestyle as my mind had painted it. I found it, I was able to create it.
And surprise, surprise: I hated it.
But I should not, I had everything I could wish for, (so I told myself).
Well my mental picture had left out things.
My mental picture had ignored the fact that I am NOT a mind on legs, I am not a brain on legs.
I know, I know, mentally I always knew that. But I had not EXPERIENCED it.
THAT was the key. 

The experience.

What does a good mental geeek and engineer do in response to all this ?
He thinks harder.
A bit like the old colonial maxim: if the natives don't understand English, you have to just shout louder.
I did the same to myself: I thought harder, I looked harder with the mind. I analyzed and thought and argued, and came to the conclusion that I ought not to feel what I felt and that I ought to be deliriously happy and ecstatically happy. 
I had realized my dreams.
So if I was not happy, that meant there was something wrong with me. 
Logic told me I ought to be happy.
I spent a number of years going in circles like this.
The mind is great at rationalizing (actually it is not the mind that does that, the mind is just the tool, it is the intent that drives the mind which does the rationalizing).

In the end the answer was much much simpler. There was nothing wrong with me.
I had simply ignored the fact that I was not just a mind.
There were other parts of me. Non mental parts. 
Non-mind parts. 
In fact the mind is just a small part of the whole.

---(o)---

The world thinks that people without external rules are lawless and would do anything... therefore we need more rules to control them and keep things from disintegrating and uttter chaos.
Actually people would not do just any wild thing at all.
People are more than minds, and the parts of all of us that are non-mind are the parts that KNOW what we truly are and want in life. It is only mind that that thinks it is free and unfettered.

I have used my mind and I have tried to live as though I was just a mind. It does now work, it cannot work. I understand that now.
 
I only understood this because I see that even though I have freedom to do whatever I want on the mental level, in reality I have to live with myself, in reality I am NOT just my mind, I am something more than a mind.  
 

It is the external rules of power and control that separate people from their true selves (their Temples of Self) And it is separated from themselves people who DO do anything wild & crazy they can think of, because they are separated from themselves ...that is why they can (to a degree). But it is the fear of chaos and the imposition of too many rules that creates  separated-from-self people in the first place. These people then provide the evidence for why those rules were necessary in the first place. It becomes a vicious self-sustaining circle.


Note1: Everyone is more or less separated-from-self.
Note2: not all rules are primarily for power and control, many rules are simply for convenience e.g. do your toilet business in the toilet not anywhere else. Rules like that are primarily practical, they are really commonsense. Those are not the rules I talk about. - more on this in another blog... 

---(o)---