Sunday, June 24, 2012

I know all the answers but my life is going nowhere (fast)

I know a lot of clever wise s**** but my life is not improving.... why ? 

Logic and mind, take me to the right and wrong's of things. But what about the DOING something about them ?
Mind can't do that, it can understand, sort, comprehend, analyze, but then what ?
Then I have to DO things,....act, move,
I think of mind like the code in a software program, the written words. (sorry this will only make sense to computer geeks)
For everyone else: Mind, I think of like a cooking recipe. The recipe, sits there,................ and sits there in a book, so what? I have to DO stuff to make the cake....
And the same way I think of a situation where the tensions are high, airline delay, large queues, "will I make the flight ? or will I lose the ticket because of 'no show' ?" etc...
Not a drama for others, but a high tension 'issue' for me.

How do I handle that ? Mind tells me to be calm to trust etc... that is like the instructions in a cooking recipe, or computer code. I have to actually DO stuff. How DO I DO this trusting thing ?
How do I "DO" this thing that changes the tension ?
For years, no, for decades, I have got stuck at this point, the point of: I've got the code! Yeharraa!! I got the code, how wonderful.
But then I realized: nothing was happening. No cake appeared, no program ran on the computer screen. 
I rechecked the code.
All correct,
I made the code better, added especial instructions, made it brilliant,
I gave the code to others, let them copy it and they produced great cakes.
But nothing appeared in my oven, no cakes.
Very strange.
I KNEW IT ALL, I was clear what the path was, I was clear on what to DO. But nothing happened.
I was still tense, even though I had the code to show me how NOT be BE tense/upset/unconscious etc.....
Slowly now it is coming to me: I might have to ACT, DO, get ingredients and bake that cake, mix the dough, buy the flour, carry the ingredients etc....
Sounds so obvious, but took me 52 years to see it like this.
I've been scared all my life to really 'try' and 'do' in case i failed. There is only one failure: failure to try.
"Low aim, not failure's the crime" a friend once told me - very true, 
the only crime is "failure to try" screwing up is better than not even trying ... (always ? not always) 

MmeP: So, what does Doing look like Heiko ? What do you DO these days ?

HR: Breath, awareness, aware of my breath, even in the midst of the tension situation, in the midst of the "will I catch my plane on time ??? "

Without the awareness of breath, of that still something inside me, I'm likely to treat it like a life and death situation.... (lots of great American movies show people in life and death races, so it would become like that for me, - inside. On the feeling level) .
So I know to use breath, to put me back into my body - breath and the breathing in white light.... moment by moment.....
MmeP: Sounds good grasshopper.
HR: Eckhart Tolle talks about always keeping a little bit of your awareness separate, keeping that kernel of awareness of self, and other reality.... breathing in white light
summary of it here